Resentment

downThere are many roadblocks on the path to financial independence. Some are real, some are imagined. Some are self-inflicted. And some are completely unexpected.

I recently came upon one of these roadblocks, and I’ll tell you that it was definitely unexpected on my part. But should I have been so naive?

My recent experience makes for a good post, unfortunately. I would rather have never experienced this whole episode in the first place, but at least it can serve as a great learning experience. I do hope that you readers find some value in my recent predicament. I know I certainly learned a lot about myself, the people around me, the limits of sharing, and what being selfish really means.

My Family

I’ve always been incredibly close with my family. Part of this is because my family is quite small. And part of this is because I grew up in a really difficult environment when I was young. My father left my three younger sisters and I when I was just eight years old, never to return. And my mother, unable to cope, turned to heavy drug and alcohol use. Unfortunately, this made her shortcomings more apparent, and it was obvious after a few years that she was unable to raise four children.

So my mother’s younger sister and her husband took control of us four children before they were even 30 years old. Which is crazy to me, because I’m currently 32 and I couldn’t imagine having four children right now.

In retrospect, I suppose there’s some closeness that develops there. Although, I’ve always been particularly close to my oldest sister because we were old enough to remember what it was like and had to kind of bond and work together to get by. We were living in a rough part of Detroit and pretty much had to fend for ourselves.

In view of this, you can imagine how hard it was for me to move to Florida back in 2009. But I felt I had to go. The Michigan economy was in shambles at the time, as the auto industry was crumbling around us. And that was symbolic of my own finances, which were in shambles of their own. Plus, I was burned out on cold, dark winters where I would feel the onset of seasonal affective disorder.

Florida, with its sunshine, strong prospects for jobs, lack of state income tax, free entertainment along the shore, and plentiful public transportation in select cities meant I could get a fresh start. And a fresh start I got. I left Michigan worth less than a baby and returned five years later triumphant, with a six-figure portfolio, thousands of dollars in annual passive income, and plenty of experience.

My Journey Is About Time And Happiness

There are countless reasons to pursue financial independence. Some may want to travel more. Some want to golf or pursue other worthwhile hobbies. I’ve always wanted more time. I’ve been anxious to slow my life way down and enjoy each moment. To make each day unique, rather than an endless routine.

I’ve been incredibly lucky that I’ve recently been able to pursue writing full-time, which has given me a really early glimpse of what financial independence is all about. I’ve had a lot more time, which has allowed me to focus on my passions and do what I would otherwise do if I were already financially independent.

What I ultimately wanted to do was take all of the success I experienced down in Florida and fuse that with my old life in Michigan. A life which offered a lot more time with family and friends. Michigan was where I grew up; where my best friend still lived; where my parents, sisters, and extended family all still lived, worked, and played. So it made sense at some point to take what I gained and learned in Florida and bring that back with me. And the fact that I was now writing for a living made it all the more possible to have more time with the family I had back in Michigan, as it was tough to see everyone more than a week or two per year when living 1,200 miles away and working 50+ hour workweeks along with everything else I had going on.

The Old Life Was Gone

My girlfriend in Florida advised me this probably wasn’t a good idea. She told me that my family and friends had grown up. Many had their own families, jobs, hobbies, and other commitments. I couldn’t just go back and expect to spend time with everyone just because I had time; they were busy pursuing their own lives.

Now, this is more than fine with me. I didn’t expect everyone to drop their life simply because I was back. I simply hoped for the occasional lunch, a Friday night pizza get-together, or just stopping by to say hi here and there. You know, the things that are impossible when seeing people requires months of planning, expensive flights, and hours of air travel.

And much of my time back in Michigan has been wonderful. I was there for the birth of my niece. I’ve had many lunch and dinner meetings with friends and family, little exploration trips around the state to find a great place to settle into, and got to visit some of the places I used to hang out when I was younger. I’ve taken some walks down memory lane, and it’s been fantastic.

But life has a way of moving on without you sometimes. And everyone up here has their own life. I may have much more time to myself, but most of my family are hard workers, and admirably so. As such, their schedules are incredibly tight, and it’s difficult to see some people on the drop of a dime. Even though I’m back home, the scheduling I was used to when I lived so far away is still somewhat necessary.

Cheap Versus Frugal

As I stated above, this journey is all about time for me. I wanted to have more time to spend with people I love and care about. And I largely accomplished this, much earlier than I ever anticipated or planned for. While this is wonderful, it appears that a couple of members in my family resent me for my success.

The first noticeable signs of this came about through small comments or jokes here and there regarding money and some of the success I’ve achieved, but this has escalated over the last few months. It seems that money has become a focus of some conversations I’ve had with certain members of my family, which is disappointing. I started noticing that when certain events were planned that involved money and it came time to divvy up the costs I was expected to pay for more than my fair share because I can apparently afford to.

I also started to get commentary on my lifestyle, and how the only way I could do what I’ve done is to be cheap and mooch off of others. That’s really sad, because while I’ve been a champion of frugality, I despise cheapness. I’ve never been a cheapskate, though I have been guilty of extreme frugality at times. Of course, the difference between living frugally and being cheap is frugality doesn’t come at the expense of others; cheapskates will gladly take advantage of others in the pursuit of saving money. I view frugality as a measure to value expenses in your life properly rather than wasting away money. Being cheap means every decision is made to save money, regardless of the value that could be had.

That’s particularly disheartening to me because I’ve never taken advantage of anyone throughout this whole process. Maybe I’m guilty at times of not going above and beyond what was fair, choosing instead to stick to what was exactly fair. And I was probably most guilty of this in the beginning, when I was still trying to get my snowball rolling. But I’ve certainly loosened the purse strings a bit as time has passed and the level of extreme frugality required to leverage my progress wasn’t quite as necessary.

The final straw came when it seemed to me that the only cure for the disagreement was for me to basically just start handing out money.

Leaving Michigan

I felt heartbroken when getting backed into a corner about finances with certain people in my life. I was hurt that they viewed my lifestyle as somehow harmful to others, when I never took from anyone. I worked incredibly hard to get to where I’m at now, and my whole goal was to share the results, in the form of time, with everyone. But it seems that some people would rather me share my money than my time.

So in a fit of hurt and disappointment I packed everything I own (which isn’t much) and piled it into my Corolla last week. I then left the state of Michigan with the determination to go back to Florida and continue down the path I was on before I left. After passing the border into Ohio I started to wonder if I made the right choice. Did I let emotions overcome logic? Was I turning my back on the rest of my family that fully supported what I was doing? Was it naive of me to not consider some resentment from certain people in my life, especially those who are on uncertain financial footing? Was I not being generous enough? Was I being selfish?

I ended up turning around, ultimately deciding not to turn my back on everyone else in my life that I moved back for. Leaving would have meant spiting everyone else for the sake of separating myself from those that didn’t fully support my journey.

This was very unlike me as I generally consider decisions for long periods of time before engaging. I’m a very analytic person, and it takes me time to think through things. In addition, I’m generally not someone who reacts on pure emotion. But sometimes life and the moment can get the best of you.

The Irony Of It All

I found this experience particularly ironic.

The main purpose behind everything I’ve done to this point has been to have more time. Now, I’ll admit there are selfish reasons at play, as I hated dragging myself down to the dealership day in and out, working at a job I had absolutely no passion for. But there are also very unselfish reasons at the heart of it as well. I want to give my time to those I care most about. Eventually, I’d love to be able to volunteer my time as well to local organizations in the community.

The ironic aspect of all of this is that my journey and lifestyle that led to me having much more time now to spend with the people I care most about led to some of these same people resenting me for getting to the point where results were realized enough to have the time required to spend with them. Money is required to have time, but those with little or no money sometimes resent those people with it. And instead of equating money to time, they equate money only to money, and what it can buy.

I was questioning how selfish I was really being through this whole episode. But then I realized that those trying to hurt me were the ones actually being selfish. I view family as love. And love is unconditional. Therefore, family is unconditional love. And that comes with unconditional support, which I was definitely not receiving.

How To Deal With Resentment

I learned some value lessons with this, and lessons I had not particularly planned on learning. But I’m an eternal optimist. And I view every experience in life as a learning tool, where something can always be gleaned.

I plan to change my strategy moving forward. I’ve been very open about my finances with everyone I know. This is partly because I view money as far too taboo, and the more open we all are the better we can all possibly be at managing money. It’s impossible to learn if we don’t discuss the subject. Furthermore, as a blogger that’s been featured in national media it’s just about impossible to maintain any anonymity with my finances. But I plan to limit my discussions on money with some people in my personal life to basically zero from now on.

I didn’t expect any resentment from those close to me. I suppose because of everything my family has been through there would be extra support for succeeding after coming from difficult circumstances. And I thought family should always root for each other. But now that it’s out in the open I decided to come up with ways to avoid this in the future. The following tips (of which I’m going to personally use from now on) are specifically aimed at those who are aggressively pursuing financial independence, and thus will accumulate substantial monetary assets, possibly well above and beyond what those around you end up attaining.

I view the following strategies as optimal in dealing with or avoiding resentment:

  1. Avoid discussions on money whenever possible, especially with those you view as most likely to resent you. But don’t turn down the opportunity to help others with financial questions if they’re serious about it and need your assistance. However, I would avoid initiating these discussions.
  2. Keep your wealth in stealth – accumulate anonymously. Misery loves company, so if others that are struggling financially think you are as well there is nothing for them to resent.
  3. Rely on the support of those that understand what you’re doing, be it a spouse, parent, friend, or sibling. Keep these people close, and advise them that the information you’re sharing (if you choose to) is private.
  4. Have realistic expectations. Not everyone around you will be rooting for you, especially if they’re having financial difficulties of their own.
  5. Be realistically generous and avoid cheapness. While it’s difficult (and unnecessary) to just give away money when you’re trying to aggressively achieve financially independence at a relatively young age, be kind to those you love. Never mooch off of others, which would certainly invite resentment.

A Happy Ending

But this whole experience actually turned out to be a positive one. See, I told you I’m an optimist!

During this difficult episode that occurred last week the romance I experienced with my girlfriend of five years in Florida was rekindled. I relied on her for support after being heartbroken by people I really care about, and she supported me 100%. She advised me that I can’t please everyone, that others sometimes don’t understand what I’m doing, and that I shouldn’t feel selfish at all, as I had never been financially selfish with her.

However, she did point out that I had been selfish in the way I left Florida. Apparently, I wasn’t fully listening to her when I was discussing the possibility of moving up to Michigan. I had thought she had no interest in moving up here, whereas she viewed it as an idea that would require time on her part to acclimate to, and she had a son to think about. She felt the idea was good, but the timing wasn’t quite correct. And she wanted a plan. She also wanted her son to finish middle school before moving him halfway across the country.

So I’m happy to announce that she’s planning to move up to Michigan – with her son and a dog in tow – next summer! I’m actually going to fly her up in October for what would be our fifth anniversary. We’ll get an opportunity to spend time together and I can show her around Ann Arbor (a city she already prefers). We’ll scope out schools both for her son and her (she works in education). And this journey will be both of ours, as she’s excited to join me on this path, start investing, and retire around the same time I do.

So this requires a bit of change in plans. I was previously looking for an apartment for myself up here, but now I’ll be hunting for a two bedroom apartment/condo for the whole family. In addition, this will likely now require that I rent a room from family a bit longer than I originally planned, as there is no sense in trying to find a short-term rental and then furnishing it before moving all over again. We’re both hopeful the next place we find will be our new home for a number of years. It’s a new adventure, which is really exciting.

Furthermore, I’ve decided to concentrate on the family relationships where the support is mutual. I can’t really worry about those that don’t get what I’m doing or maybe do not fully support it. I’ll always love those people, but I can’t be be concerned with trying to make them understand something they don’t or convince them of anything other than what they already believe to be true. I’ve always believed in being the change you wish to see, and that others will eventually change if they want to. I have always tried to lead by example. If others do not see the benefits of that example then so be it.

Conclusion

Resentment is an interesting topic. I’ve seen it discussed at various times and in various forms over the years from others who were marching toward financial independence before encountering it along the way, often unexpectedly. The idea of resentment always came across as weird to me, because I’ve always been the type of person who doesn’t care a bit what other people think about me. In fact, I’m sometimes galvanized by negative viewpoints on my choices or lifestyle, as it allows me to prove others wrong. But it’s a bit different when it’s those closest to you with the opinions.

I actually planned to write about this topic one day, but in general terms. I didn’t anticipate experiencing it firsthand. But I suppose it’s better that I did, as this blog is where theory meets reality. I don’t write about generalities very often, instead choosing to discuss my experiences as I march down this path.

And I’m glad this happened. I know who supports me and who doesn’t. Furthermore, I realized that I hadn’t been fair with my wonderfully supportive partner, and didn’t give her the proper opportunity to move up here with me. I brought preconceived notions into the moving discussions, and just assumed that she didn’t want to come along. It turns out she does want to come, and we decided to stay together as a team. And I couldn’t be happier about it as she has reaffirmed that she totally supports what I’m doing and wants the same thing. She’s an extremely wonderful and loving person, and I’m a very lucky guy indeed to have her in my life.

So if you end up experiencing resentment in your journey, this could very well be the catalyst that helps you realize who truly has your back and who doesn’t. And that’s a wonderful thing. No sense in confiding in people that don’t truly believe in what you’re doing, and better to probably keep those people at a comfortable distance where discussions about money are generally avoided.

Have you ever experienced resentment? How did you deal with it? Have you successfully avoided resentment? How? 

Thanks for reading.

Photo Credit: Master isolated images/FreeDigitalPhotos.net

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287 Comments

  1. Thanks for having the courage to share this story, Jason. Resentment is the main reason I’ve chosen to blog anonymously. I’ve always worried that co-workers or friends would feel jealous of the progress I’ve made with my finances. On the flip side, when I reached a blogging milestone last week, I didn’t have many people in real life to share it with. It’s hard for me to understand why discussing money is so taboo. I agree with your views 100%. I am constantly looking for ways to learn and get better and I expect that others would feel the same way. Unfortunately, many people aren’t willing to make the necessary sacrifices needed to enact the change they desire in their lives. I’m really happy to hear that your story has a happy ending. That’s wonderful news about your girlfriend and her son moving to Michigan. Best of luck working through the problems you’ve had with your family.

  2. Congrats on some tough choices. I’m glad your gf and her son are coming up to Michigan, that’s exciting!

    I empathize about your resentments and have felt them as well. It’s a crazy thing and just shows the control that money can have over some people, especially those who crave it yet never seem to people able to keep it for any amount of time.

    I’ve learned a lot from reading DM and your journey and although my path is quite different, our end goal is the same. Use our money not to buy stuff, but to buy our life. I appreciate the candor you always show in your writing

  3. Glad you made the decision to turn back and not let anyone drive a wedge in your journey. I have your back no matter what bro, and I know thousands of these readers do also!!

  4. Hi DM,

    What an emotional post! You touch a lot of subjects and mention a lot of situations that I can absolutely relate to. This is part of the reason why I decided not to disclose details of my identity or personal details (such as saving rates). It have been back and forth on this issue as I see most of the other bloggers in the community revealing themselves, and I admit it helps me feel closer to their journey.

    I also just want to say that from your blog and our interactions, you do not look in any way selfish or cheap in your decisions. Sadly, I think it’s expectable that people see such things in your success. Success always breeds envy, sometimes even in those we love, and the majority of people seem to rationalize their envy by considering your work towards that success as evil or inconsiderate. This is the basis of the stereotype that those well-off do not care about others, step on them, only care about money and so on.

    My policy is to never disclose my exact financial situation. Not that I have much at the moment, but if someone is facing financial hardship, they might fall into the easy way of hoping that you will help them with money or might just plain resent you. I think your advice regarding this is spot on!

    Just to conclude, you do not have a moral duty of providing money to other people just because you happen to have more than them. I see money as a very personal thing and I believe you are free to do with it as you please and no one has any moral edge regarding how you should spend it (usually the less they have, the higher the moral edge they feel they have).

    I have to say I am incredibly happy that your relationship has been rekindled, I got to admit that I was rooting for that after you left for Michigan, so it really put a smile of my face after a fairly sad post.

    Best,
    Dividend Venture

  5. Wow, I wasn’t expecting that twist, but I’m glad it worked out for you and your girlfriend. You two seem good together. Have I experienced resentment…..um yeah. I lost an entire group of college friends (chums really), when I didn’t like to drink, party, and spend as much as them. It was no loss in the end, plus I got a nickname that stuck…..B Money. My actual friends didn’t mind how I was living, and some even looked up to me for being cash flow positive throughout college. One guy told me the other day that he’s still amazed I graduated without any debt…..and it’s been 10 years.

    My wife and I have a similar situation to you, in that we are (relatively) better off than much of our family. We have shaped our recent life around my wife not having to work while the children are little, which is her dream, and many relatives are jealous I suppose. I don’t get it, but people are funny.

    Life is about living your own life, and I’m glad to see you’re staying true to yourself. We have cousins in Ann Arbor, and they love it there. College towns are pretty cool. Take care buddy
    -Bryan

  6. resentment is why “the millionaire next door” has a shabby car and older home. Stealth, yeah, I like that.

    I get excited talking about investing and saving so even though I don’t disclose numbers, still folks will ask advice. That is a slippery slope to avoid, too. Especially specific stock recommendations. I have a couple times only and only when its a WOWSA opportunity.

    keep on keeping on.
    t

  7. DM,
    Thanks for sharing your story.I’m sorry that your some of your family has not been supportive of you, but I am glad that you have worked things out with your SO. It means a lot to everyone that you’re open about things like this.

  8. DM,

    Those people giving you a hard time and likely jealous of your success. They might want to be financially free but soon as they find out it requires “work” to get there, they turn away. They think what you are doing appears easy. You still have to “work your ass off”, but you are doing the work you enjoy like following and reseaching companies and writing posts.

    I have experienced resentment since I started on my journey. I kept telling people I have am saving for retirement. Only one job I that had and a GROUP RRSP plan. Every other job had absolutely nothing. I told people that the work environment is different from our parents generation and that we, as a generation, and completely responsible for our own retirements.

    Congrats on rekindled relationship with your girlfriend. I believed someone commented on a post a while ago, that he moved back to his “home” and within a few weeks or months the girl decided to move there with him.

  9. I was just in Michigan for the past week. Interesting area and although there were some shady areas it wasn’t as dire as I thought. I think the worst part is downtown Detroit (which I avoided). Those are some difficult decisions you’ve had to make but it sounds like it is turning out well for you which is great

  10. Wow DM! Very interesting post! We likely can all think first hand of an experience that involved at least some type of resentment. People will always envy the success and talents of others and frankly, some people are much better at handling their envy than others.

    Congrats on the news with your girlfriend, I am sure she’ll love Ann Arbor!

    All the best!

  11. I’m sorry to hear about your family’s behavior. Quite frankly, your finances and living arrangements are none of their damn business. You’re a grown man who has put his nose to the grindstone and made good things happen. If they have a problem with that, too bad.

    I can relate to the small comments and jokes, especially around the holidays. It really makes me dread Christmas, as I am expected to buy expensive gifts for my adult siblings and contribute to expensive gifts purchased for my parents, all of which is completely unnecessary. When I refuse (and I insist that nothing be purchased for me), I’m called a “Scrooge” and a “cheapskate.” I’ll gladly pick up the tab for a nice dinner out, but somehow, sadly, that’s not enough.

    Stick to your plan and soldier on! Glad to hear the good news about your girlfriend.

  12. Dear Jason, what a great and familiar story! Your family sounds like a wonderful family that has been impacted by the family disease of alcoholism. As you love them and want to be able to interact with them and keep your sanity and serenity, why not try a few alanon meetings, the program for friends and family of folks impacted by alcoholism? It can’t hurt. Anyway, I applaud your courage. Best, DD

  13. Addison,

    It’s funny you mention co-workers. I never had any firsthand experience with resentment from anyone I ever worked with. So it was particularly shocking that my first experience with it is more than four years into the journey from people that I thought supported me the most.

    I can’t blame you for blogging anonymously. Although, the benefits I’ve experienced from being open have (still) outweighed the drawbacks.

    And you’re right. Many people don’t want to make the changes required to change their lives. The effort required seems too much, and so people would rather attack those that have worked hard by trying to bring them down. I foolishly let it impact me for a short while. But what I’m doing is so beneficial for my entire life, and it’s far too great to let anyone bring me down.

    Appreciate the support very much. Hope all is well in Nashville!

    Best regards.

  14. Matt,

    Thank you! I’m really excited about my family from Florida joining my family from Michigan. I’m fusing the two worlds, as I originally wanted. I’m truly lucky. 🙂

    It’s a real shame about money. People let it control them and drive them crazy. And that’s so terrible because instead of having it work for them, they will work for it the rest of their lives. And I have tried to help…to no avail.

    Appreciate the support and readership. We all have different paths in life. But as long as we’re happy that’s all that matters! 🙂

    Wishing you the best of luck on your journey.

    Cheers!

  15. Phil,

    Thanks, man. Really appreciate it. Didn’t want to give up on spending time with you guys, as well as the rest of my family. It’s a shame that some people let money get in the way of relationships, but I’m glad I know now.

    I’m sure we’ll be talking soon, bud.

    Take care.

  16. Mikey,

    Thank you. Really appreciate it!

    It’s not easy to open up, but this blog is about my victories and setbacks. And this was a bit of both all in one.

    Cheers.

  17. DM,

    Thanks for the sharing your story. I have been trying to (sometimes successfully, most times time not) share my ideas of high savings rates and financial independence with some of my colleagues. Most people nod their head in agreement and then carry on with the same old path, which is fine as we all have the right to make our own life choices. Most of my family lives paycheck to paycheck and family reunions typically follow the same direction you described with me having to pick up the tab in many cases. It really doesn’t bother me as they know that is about the most they can expect from me. On another related note, I have been doing some research on Deere recently and discovered that 460 of the roughly 5000 Waterloo employees were indefinitely laid off on Friday. My wife and I are travelling to Cedar Falls, IA next week where my sister-in-law and her family live. Her husband has worked for Deere at the Waterloo plant for the past ten years and I haven’t heard what his status is and quite honestly am scared to ask. This could be an interesting trip for a number of different reasons. I may just accidently leave my wallet in Houston. 🙂

    It sounds like you are creating a great life for yourself in Michigan. Keep fighting the good fight!

    MDP

  18. DV,

    It sounds like you were taking my advice before I was. 🙂

    I’ve always wanted to be open about money because there are many people in my life that could use some assistance there. And I don’t say that simply because they’re not saving or shooting for financial independence, because I don’t view that as a better way of life than any other. Rather, I say that because I know they’re struggling and not happy with their financial situation. But some people want a magical solution, which doesn’t exist.

    I appreciate the kind words there. I’ve never aimed to be selfish, and I’ve never tried to promote selfishness. I advocate intelligent saving toward a common good. I spend my fair share of money, but only when I find the appropriate value. I don’t like wasting money, but I don’t save just to save. I save to create freedom and time which makes me happy. I just think people see money for money and what it can buy, not for the time, freedom, and lifestyle it can afford if you save it.

    And I agree with you on the moral duty. I want to be supportive. But I’m here to give my time, affection, and love…not my money. Because if I were to give my money I’d no longer have my time.

    Thanks for the support in regards to the relationship. I’m incredibly happy as well. She’s a wonderful woman who supported me 110% from day one. She encouraged my saving and investing right from the start, and later completely supported my writing. She read every post and was right there with me. I’m excited to continue the journey with her and mutually march toward FI. 🙂

    I’m glad that you’re marching toward that path anonymously. I’m quite sure you’ll face minimal resentment in that case. It’s a shame that we all can’t be more open with finances, but we just don’t live in a perfect world.

    Keep up the great work!

    Best wishes.

  19. Bryan,

    People are funny, aren’t they? I honestly don’t get it. If I can do this, anyone can. It just seems to me that some aren’t willing to put in the hard work necessary, and would rather resent others that do.

    I also wonder if this is a case of others believing their lifestyle or life choices are right, and others are wrong. I see this sometimes even in the early retirement community where you see some people that believe this is the only way to live, and those living at or above their means are wrong. I don’t know. I just do what makes me happy and share my journey for others who aspire to similar goals. I don’t try to bring others down.

    Sounds like your family is happy. And that’s all that really matters! Glad your wife is able to spend time at home like she wants to. That’s fantastic!!

    Appreciate all the support. I’m hoping she’s going to like what she sees in Ann Arbor, but she’s already done some research. I think she’s going to love it there.

    Cheers!

  20. tuliptown,

    Stealth wealth is apparently the way to go. It’s a shame that it needs to be that way, but it is what it is.

    And it’s a slippery slope to help others. Sometimes you give an inch and they take a mile. I’m more than willing and happy to help and support family. But sometimes the expectations are unrealistic and unfortunately I must be most concerned about me and my life.

    Appreciate you stopping by!

    Take care.

  21. cimorene12,

    Thank you! I’m glad that we worked things out as well. It seems like I’ve just been ignorant of her needs, which is really unlike me. I apologized profusely and begged her to take me back and move up here. Luckily, she agreed. 🙂

    I’m happy to be open about all of this if it helps and inspires others. That’s why I write.

    Cheers!

  22. IP,

    Exactly. There are actually some people in my personal life that think I just sip tea and sleep on a hammock or something all day long. As if I don’t work and do whatever I want, when it’s not like that at all. I still “work” a full-time schedule, but I’m working on things that bring me great joy. I’ve turned my passions into a job of sorts, and I’m really lucky. But there is still a degree of work there, and they just don’t get it.

    Yeah, I think it was a reader by the name of Keith that ran into a similar situation where he moved to Michigan and his partner soon thereafter followed him up. I guess I’m now in a very similar situation, which is really wonderful. I’m a lucky guy to have someone who not only gets what I do, but supports it and wants the same.

    Kudos to you for trying to spread the word. Unfortunately, ignorance is bliss. I mean that in the best way possible, but most people naturally (and unsurprisingly) take the easy road, which is to ignore money until it’s too late.

    I’m with you on spreading the word. I’m doing my best over here! 🙂

    Take care.

  23. Dan,

    Actually, a lot of Michigan is very rural and beautiful. It’s a shame that Michigan gets this bum rap over the Detroit area. I grew up in Detroit, so I’ll be the first to admit that it’s a really rough town. I personally have NO desire to ever live there again for the rest of my life. That being said, there’s a lot more to Michigan than just Detroit. My girlfriend was actually surprised the first time she came here at just how rural most of the state is, once you get outside of the Metro area.

    Thanks for stopping by!

    Cheers.

  24. divgrow,

    Thank you! Appreciate the kind words. I’m confident that she’ll enjoy A2. 🙂

    I hear you. This is a topic I had planned on covering at some point, but I’m glad I waited. I now know exactly what it is and what it feels like. It’s frustrating, but I suppose it would be naive to not expect others to be jealous of your success and happiness. As always, all we can do is live our lives to the best of our ability and continue to strive toward happiness!

    Best wishes.

  25. Anonymous,

    I agree. It’s really none of their business. It’s hard for me to be real anonymous with finances when they’re watching me on Today, but I probably would have been open anyway in the interest of inspiring those I care most about. Unfortunately, people have to want to change themselves. And that’s something I’ve learned over and over again.

    The holidays are tough. Christmas is the one time of year I really relax my frugal nature, and it’s been a bit of an experience where I’ve loosened up more and more as time has gone on. When I first started this journey I wanted to remain pretty tight with gifts (both giving and receiving), but I’ve done my best over time to loosen up and “fit in” with the family. I suppose we all make sacrifices for those we love, and gift giving is an example of that.

    Appreciate the encouragement. I wish you the best as well with figuring out that balance with your family and avoiding resentment. 🙂

    Take care.

  26. DD,

    Hmm, I didn’t mean to infer that anyone in my family suffers from alcoholism. My mother did, but she died many years ago. Almost nobody in my family drinks at all, so that’s honestly not an issue.

    So I guess I just face sober resentment. Haha!

    Cheers.

  27. Thanks for sharing Jason! That is a difficult situation to be in and why I do not plan to tell family members of my blog and plans directly. If they happen to come upon and are interested, then that isn’t a bad thing. But if at all possible I would like to avoid a situation like this. I would rather they be shocked in 20ish years that I will suddenly stop working or start part time, or whatever I decided to do. Also I am glad that things are on the mend with the girl! Education is difficult in Michigan, most school districts are still shrinking so choices are kind of limited. If she is interested in the retirement options at public schools in MI let me know and I can shoot you an e-mail with the info. Currently you have two options to choose from.

  28. MDP,

    Sorry to hear of your experiences there. It sounds like we all have encountered similar outcomes, which I suppose is to be expected. I guess I just don’t really get jealous of others who have experienced much more success than I have (and there are MANY who have). I simply try to figure out how to emulate that success, and take what I can from their experiences. I glean what I can and apply it to my own life as it makes sense.

    Sorry to hear about the potential job loss in the family there. I hope he wasn’t one of the 460! That could certainly create some unfortunate awkwardness for a number of reasons.

    Life is otherwise pretty good up here, though. Just got back from a trip to Cedar Point, which was a great time. I’m keeping my head up and my eyes forward. 🙂

    Thanks for sharing. Really appreciate it!

    Best regards.

  29. I really hate to hear you had to endure this experience Jason. Don’t let the emotional wound inflicted turn you away…

    When I first returned home two years ago the first few months were great. I was visiting with everyone and life was like one big, long vacation. Then things began to settle and return to norm, norm for those friends and family who were getting use to having me around and returning to their normal work schedules. I would joke that their work lives were interfering with my social life! The whirlwind settles and things begin to find a “new norm”. Your friends/family likely won’t have the same schedule as you as they haven’t put in the same effort over the last five years that you have. Seeing you able to enjoy leisure on the level that you are able to now is going to cause a little resentment in those who don’t understand and the sad thing is you won’t be able to get them to understand until they are ready just as you were not ready to change until something inside you clicked putting your life on a totally different trajectory.

    Keep in mind that you are not the same man returning to Michigan as the one you were when you left. A lot has changed in you. The way you think, your aspirations, values, and even fears are all different, but you’re returning to a place and people that are largely the same as you left them. Many do not want to change and can even be fearful of it. Some may not even understand the change in you, but that change was for you and not them and it may take them longer to accept it and to understand the resentment they feel towards you is misdirected.

    I enjoyed your list of things to do to help avoid resentment, but I would add one thing to the list; practice patience. I can’t imagine the hurt and anger that you must have felt that would lead you to want to leave home, but I’m happy to hear you turned around. Jason, there isn’t much that I know, but I do know this; when it comes to matters of the heart it is wise in the very moment you feel most vulnerable or rejected and want to withdrawal is usually the exact moment you should open yourself to that very vulnerability and lower your defenses, yet it is one of the hardest things you will ever try to do.

    All the best my friend,
    The Stoic

  30. I’m glad to hear, Jason that it worked out the way I was hoping for you sometime back when you left FL.

    Its a fact of life: resentment exists at all level, sometimes overtly and other times, not so. So, no surprise there! That’s reason for me to blog anonymously.

    Best wishes.

  31. Oh no! I’m so sorry to hear that you’ve had a hard time with some of your family members.

    I try not to share my finances too much anymore. I find that most people either don’t care or don’t understand. The downside is that when I reach a milestone, there aren’t very many people around me that I can celebrate with. I’ve also experienced similar conversations with family members, something along the lines of “you should pay for everything we want to buy since you have so much money.” When I refuse, I’m branded as being a selfish person or a cheapskate.

    Anyways, don’t let the unsupportive family members get to you! YOU put in the hard work, and what you want to do with your money is YOUR prerogative.

    Lastly, hooray on the girlfriend! I’m really happy that things eventually worked out.

  32. Hi Jason,

    That was a very personal post and one that teaches a number of lessons.

    It has been said that Comparison is the thief of Joy. And many of your family members may not have your level of knowledge on how to look at assets that generate cash flow, much less have the concept of a high savings rate ingrained as their habits.

    Back in 2006 I moved to SE Asia to take on a high paying job that paid about double what I was making in the USA. My sisters teased me, calling me “MB” or “money bags” as I saved the majority of what I was making instead of blowing it all (although I did have a few splurges). Well they forgot about that after a couple of years. Meanwhile we have a young child now and all those years of building up savings has certainly paid off. The ironic thing is the one sister who teased me the most doesn’t work and told me that she finds having to work a 7am – 4pm job “unacceptable” but is also not happy on how expensive housing is in CA as she is a renter.

    The point is that everybody is in different stages on their own journey and we should be cultivating compassion for them, even compassion for the resentment that they are expressing. Either that or stay in stealth mode and choose not to engage. It is our choice.

    -Mike

  33. Other than a couple people that have their own blogs, the vast majority of us know your investment style, your frugality & even your personal life through reading your interpretation of events as they unfold. My preference for reading this fine blog is the investments, and a natural curiosity in how you overcame adversity in your own life to build the foundation of a well rounded life, financially & personally. You have to be commended for that but I believe you have to start thinking in terms of “us” instead of ” me” When you came back to Michigan, you were a changed man from the one who left five years ago, financially and emotionally, and so did everyone else. Your family lived their own lives, worked and had a baby. Maybe you felt you missed out on something, but did you really think you could just walk away from the new life you had set up in Florida, leave your girlfriend, and her child, and come back to Michigan & think everything would be the same? You have changed a great deal, so why would you think everything would be the same. My friend, I hope you go back to Florida where you changed your life for the better, in so many ways & build a life with your girlfriend and her boy, who are in your corner. There is telephone, Skype, facebook, twitter and the odd personal visit, either in Michigan or in Florida. I get that you want to stay close to some members of your family, and you can, but you have gone from being a single guy, with no money, no career prospects and no direction to a family man, with a writing career, a lot of supportive readers and a growing portfolio, all while living in a more favorable state, tax wise and weather wise. My vote is go back to Florida, hug your gf & her kid, do your writing and lecturing at a college there & enjoy what you had, not what you missed. Just my two cents & best of luck.

  34. The Stoic,

    Thanks for stopping by. Always glad to read your perspective. 🙂

    Sounds like you and I experienced something similar there. I actually was quite ready for the change, and I knew that I wasn’t the same guy as I was when I left. I wasn’t expecting everyone to drop their lives simply because I was back. But most of what I thought this would be has been – going to a birthday party for my best friend’s son, seeing my niece born, dinners out with my parents and siblings, a trip to Cedar Point this past weekend. However, the vast majority of my time up here is still spent much in the same way it was in Florida just before I left – writing and reading. Which is really what I ultimately want.

    Unfortunately, I didn’t anticipate a couple of things. I didn’t anticipate the resentment, though I admit I was naive. I actually wouldn’t be shocked at resentment by casual acquaintances in my life or co-workers, but I was shocked to see it come from those closest to me. I also experienced a profound sense of loss when facing life without my partner of five years. I now see that I didn’t really see her side of the move, and that’s something that I apologized profusely about. Luckily, she accepted my apologies in honor of the five wonderful years we had together, and the decades we could still have yet ahead. We still love each other very much. Dealing with resentment from family members was made that much more difficult when I didn’t have someone so close to me to kind of lean on and seek support. I’m fortunate that she offered her love and support from afar.

    I do know what you mean with patience. My patience will be given in the sense that I will always love those that offend me. Family will always be family and my love is always there. However, monetary discussions with those that don’t understand my lifestyle will cease, and I think that’s for the best. Money, for some, is like politics or religion. It’s just best if the topic is avoided. Nothing wrong with that, and I now know certain boundaries exist with certain people. Better to find out now.

    I appreciate what you’re saying. I’ve definitely changed a lot. I wouldn’t say everyone else has stayed the same, but they’ve definitely grown in dissimilar ways. Not to say that’s good or bad, but simply it’s best to recognize that and find common ground on which to grow relationships.

    Thanks again for stopping by and sharing. I really enjoy seeing different perspectives from my own. 🙂

    I hope all is well for you over there on your journey!

    Best regards.

  35. Good post, i feel you, they say it’s lonely at the top, it’s true. I am fortunate enough to have boosted my earnings from 46,000$ to about 200,000$ yearly (estimated, we still got about 4 months to go in 2014 ) by starting my own business about a year ago. Some people i considered friends don’t want to talk to me anymore / blocked me without giving me any reason. I have not changed, i am still the same guy who always worked hard, the one no one believed in, hell i still live with budget of 25,000$ per year. I was being laugh at when i told people i was going to be a millionaire one day. Now i expect to make it in the next 3-5 years (finger crossed). I work 7 days a week 10-13 hours per day. The hard part is sometimes you want to share your accomplishment and your happiness but there is hardly no one that understand i (we) don’t do it to brag but only to be listened to.

    Anyway, keep up the good writing 🙂

  36. Cathy,

    Thank you. This was an interesting episode in my life, but in the end it brought me and my partner of five years closer than ever. I’m actually grateful for all of it.

    I’m glad you recognize that resentment is an inevitability. I, unfortunately, did not recognize that. And that was naivety on my part. But I see the error in my ways, and have changed that going forward. We live and learn. 🙂

    Thanks for stopping by!

    Cheers.

  37. Seraph,

    Sounds like we’ve had similar experiences. The best we can do is keep our head up, eyes forward, and feet marching to the best of our own drum toward financial independence.

    I couldn’t agree more. What we do with our money is definitely our respective prerogatives. I’m happy to support and love those I care about, but I’ll leave out discussions on money from now on.

    And I’m as happy as can be that my girlfriend accepted my apologies for being a total idiot. I honestly thought she had no desire to live in Michigan when it was simply a question of timing. We’ve had some extremely lengthy discussions lately on the relationship, our goals, our past, our future, and our life. We’re definitely on the same page from here on out. I’m excited to see her in October where we’ll tour the A2 area. That’ll be our five-year anniversary, so the timing is perfect. 🙂

    Sounds like you know exactly what you want and what you’re doing. Good for you. Keep up the great work!

    Thanks for stopping by!

    Cheers.

  38. DM, you continue to amaze me with your ability to weave through life’s ups and downs. It’s unfortunate that you’ve encountered serious static with some family members. My wife and I have kept our goals on the quiet precisely because we know that there are certain people who would want to have a piece of our stash. I completely understand your urge to drive back down to Florida, I personally might have kept on going.

    You would not believe the things that some family members have asked of me, even without having knowledge of our dividend growth machine. They think we are made of money and feel entitled to a nice portion of it.

    I am very happy that you will reconnect with your SO from Florida. I’m confident that you will both overcome the obstacles in the near horizon. Moving is hard, but it if you keep our eyes on the goal everything will turn out OK!

  39. Mike,

    Your anecdote about your sister there reminds me of someone I know very well. I don’t judge, however, which is what makes their judgement of me all the more unfortunate. It is what it is, though.

    Glad to hear you took advantage of a unique opportunity and made the most of it. Sounds like you had a great experience and you were able to save some serious cash on top of it. That’s called a win-win, my friend! I’d love to see SE Asia someday. I’m keeping my fingers crossed. 🙂

    I hear you on compassion. I feel compassionate and empathetic all the time. And I’m honestly here to help people, both through the blog and in my personal life. But if there is anything I’ve learned in life it’s that people have to want to change themselves. So I remain here, working hard and aiming to inspire everyone around me. They’ll either change or they won’t. Either way, I just want everyone to be happy. And I’ll keep fighting for my own happiness.

    Thanks for stopping by!

    Best regards.

  40. Wow man. So crazy that I was talking to you on the phone right before you decided to turn around. Who would have thought?

    Thanks for sharing all this. I’m glad things turned out well after all.

  41. Wow. I am really sorry this all happened to you! You are a whole lot more transparent about your life on your blog than I feel like I could ever be. If it’s any consolation, I believe your points #1 through #5 are spot on. I came to very similar conclusions a few years ago, and they have served me well. I’m glad things are working out for you on many other fronts in your life.

  42. Brian,

    I hear what you’re saying there.

    I couldn’t agree more about “us” instead of “me”. I honestly wouldn’t be where I’m at today if she wouldn’t have supported me through all those long, hard days where I was working 10-12 hour days at the dealership only to come home and run the blog for another 2-3 hours or so. I’m just glad that she has opened my eyes up and accepted my apologies for being a dunce.

    As far as going back to Florida, I came back for more than just one or two people. I have a whole family up here, as well as a best friend. And I grew up here, so this will always be “home” to me. I love Florida and the no state income taxes, beautiful beaches, sunshine, palm trees, etc. But it’s not perfect there either. The heat can be overwhelming for half the year, I missed the seasons changing (especially fall), real estate along the coast is pricey, and there was a dearth of young people in Sarasota.

    But I was halfway to Florida before turning around. I had a lot of time in the car to think about what I was doing, where I was going, why I moved in the first place, and what I wanted out of life. And I realized right then that I ultimately wanted both families. I wanted my family back in Florida and I wanted my family in Michigan. Luckily, my girlfriend actually wants to come here. She’s been in Florida for a number of years now and wants change. I don’t talk about her too often on the blog, but she’s been all over the world. She’s originally from El Salvador, but has lived in Europe for some time as well. She likes change, new scenery, meeting new people, and new experiences. So this is kind of a new beginning for both of us, and we’re excited for the new adventure.

    If, however, she changes her mind and wants to stay in FL then I’ll go back. I already told her that it’s her decision where we end up. I’m okay either way as long as we’re together. 🙂

    We’ll see how it turns out. I’m usually one to plan things out far into the future, but this is exciting. I honestly think she’ll love Ann Arbor, but we’ll see when she gets here. She’s done quite a bit of research already on the area and has found some prospective employers, as well as schools and activities for her son.

    Thanks for the perspective. I appreciate it. It was incredibly difficult for me to turn around and come back. But I realized I didn’t want to give up on all the other (healthy) relationships I have here. And if I can have my other family here as well then I think that will be about as good as it gets.

    Best wishes!

  43. Spoonman,

    I can’t blame you there for stealth wealthing over there. Stashing the cash on the quiet is probably the best way to go. It simply avoids friction. No sense in inviting issues if you can avoid them in the first place.

    I now know exactly how you feel there with the entitlement. I honestly didn’t think this was commonplace, but it seems it is more so than I had ever thought. It’s a shame, but I suppose we shouldn’t be entirely surprised. You’d think your entire family would root for you, but that’s not really the case sometimes. The great thing is that you’re taking it in stride and following your dreams. You guys are in a wonderful position to take your freedom and live out the rest of your days as you so choose. 🙂

    Thanks for the support there in regards to the relationship. I’m very, very lucky in that, like you, I have a partner who sees this for the wonderful lifestyle it is. She wants the same, and I’m confident that we can get there together.

    Cheers!

  44. Kraig,

    Yeah, it wasn’t long after our conversation that I decided to turn around. I had some quiet time on the road which allowed me plenty of space to think. And I realized that I love my family and friends, and I didn’t want those that resent me to ruin everything else I have up here. However, at the same time I also needed my partner back in my life.

    I’m incredibly lucky that Claudia accepted my endless apologies and allowed me to beg her to move up here next year. She’s very excited to be on this journey together from here on out. She’s my teammate through and through. We missed each other and we still love each other very much. I’m excited to see her in October!

    It was good chatting with you. Sorry you caught me at a really bad time there. I’m really happy you’re killing it over there, my friend. Keep it up!

    Best wishes.

  45. S.B.,

    I’m glad you agree with those points and they have worked out for you. I never intended to really come to this conclusion, but people can be funny in ways you can’t really predict. Especially where money is concerned.

    Thanks for the support. Life is 99% good, which is honestly more than I ever expected. The 1% that unfortunately came my way is nothing more than a speed bump. Many people have bigger problems than dealing with resentment because of their success. This is truly a first world problem, but a problem nonetheless.

    Take care!

  46. Not Working,

    It indeed can be lonely at the top. And I’m nowhere near the top yet! I’d hate to see how it is up there. 🙂

    Congratulations on your success over there. It’s a shame that some people in your life can’t see the hard work translating into results for you. But it’s a good thing that these people are now out of your life. I actually prefer those that aren’t 100% with me just put their hands up so I know who really has my back. No sense in confiding in those that don’t totally support your journey. That way you know where they stand.

    All we can do is work hard and achieve our goals. Our happiness is the reward, and those that truly love and support us will be there for us.

    Appreciate you stopping by and sharing. Keep up the excellent work over there. You’re working very hard and you’re going to have a whole world open up for you.

    Best wishes.

  47. Jason,

    Thank you for sharing this touching and open post. Hats off to you on how you handled yourself and all the events that transpired. I would have been extremely hurt and upset, had I received a homecoming like yours from certain family members. Ultimately, I’ve found this too…girlfriends are always right. You’re going to have a nice little family of your own soon, with her and her son. With all of the free time you’re working toward, I’m thinking you’re the perfect role model for the little guy. Plus you get to bring them closer into your supportive immediate family.

    Wishing you all the best,
    Ryan

  48. I guess it’s expected. I mean you can be transparent here online and most people will not judge or invoke hatred. But in the real world, I think people are jealous and judgmental when it comes to personal finances. I don’t know why. Human nature perhaps. I NEVER discuss finances with anyone because of this, I don’t know what’s wrong with people.

    On the bright side you have a girlfriend and sunny beaches awaiting your return, and a lesson was learned.

    AWESOME post.

    Take care.

  49. Thanks for having the courage to share this story, Jason.
    A very personal story with very true advice. Thanks for that.
    If i read all the comments, you have a lot of people who are happy for you. I’m one of them! Keep up the good work and good spirit.
    Cheers,
    Pollie

  50. I noticed that it’s all in the way things are worded. If you had a rental house that was paid for but generating $500 per month people wouldn’t really think you were wealthy. If you say I have 200k or so investments they think you are sitting on a ton of cash etc. The un-frugal person sees the value in this differently. They see a few hundred k that you should be blowing on things etc. In the future it may be best to just mention you are getting $500 or so a month in stock investments and leave out the portfolio size. Its weird how people’s perception is different when the scenario is worded differently. 200k makes you sound like a wealthy miser, whereas stock investments generating $500 a month makes it sound like you have a bit of cash incoming to help with your bills, but leaves out that mental part that you are actually sitting on a good bit of cash if needed.

    I know dealing with family can be a pain! I have learned over the years that your immediately family is your main focus. By immediate I mean spouse and children. Over the years people change. Brothers sisters etc marry and those two personalities (husband/wife) remold over the years to become different people than you grew up with. From a biblical perspective two people are supposed to become one once married. There is a lot of truth to that. Their ideas, beliefs, perceptions and opinions will eventually influence each other’s personality and that can be a positive or a negative, but it is what it is. Luckily my wife helped me become a better man! I’m also happy to say that she has been becoming more frugal over the years as well. GL

  51. Jason,

    This is a very touching experience. Thank you for having the courage to share it

    I have had somewhat similar experiences, including breaking up with my life partner, moving long distance, and then getting back together again. Glad it is working out for you too 🙂

    I’m also from the (low income) Midwest, and I can relate to much of the commentary you shared. Most of my childhood I heard about how money was bad (evil?), people who had money only had it because they took advantage of others, and about how nothing was fair and we poor people deserved more

    Had I never left the Midwest, I might still think this way. It has been nothing short of a transformation to break away from that way of thinking.

    In many ways, I think it is hard for people that have lived without financial abundance most of their lives to think about money in truly positive ways. If you’ve never had excess cash, then everybody who “has money” gets lumped in the same category. “Jeremy and Bill Gates, yeah they both have money. They have so much money that they won’t even notice if they spend (or give me) an extra $100, $1000, or even $10,000 (or more!)”

    While having lunch with an old friend, I might be thinking “This is great, I haven’t seen you since high school, I am so happy that we get to see each other” while my old friend might be thinking, “This lunch is going to cost me $7. Crap, my wife is going to kill me. Maybe I can wait until next week to fill up the tank.” Sadly we aren’t really able to connect and completely enjoy our time together

    They know you are family and a good person, but how does that fit with all of the subconscious baggage of “person with money = bad” or “I deserve more and he has more than enough” A lifetime of thinking this way takes time and conscious effort to change

    The abundance muscle is a difficult one to grow and strengthen. Mine has grown a lot in the years, especially as the portfolio has grown. I’ll buy friends and family lunch just because I know it removes the $ thought from their brain and lets them focus on the here and now with me. We also help out with big family needs. Being generous pays big dividends

    These are just my experiences, it doesn’t make them right or wrong, just my experiences.

    I love reading Dividend Mantra because you have an abundance of positivity and openness, both of your financial info and your personal journey. I believe continuing to be open and positive will break down most resentment one comes across, it just takes time, patience, and love

    All the best my friend

    Jeremy

  52. Hi Jason

    A great blog on a topic that most of us Financial Independence bloggers will probably experience. But the news about your girlfriend was a great silver lining to this particular cloud

    As you constantly point out, the route to FI is down to the choices we make, people can live for now and pay for it later (the consumer type of person), people can pay now and live later (the miserly type of person), or people can live a bit and pay a bit (most FI seekers). Your choice has probably been more towards the frugal end than I am, but once again that’s your and my choice (I look back on how much I have spent on my holidays and living in a house much bigger than my wife and I require, and I probably could be FI now if I hadn’t, but I have enjoyed the travel and the nice home while still managing to save money for the future and will almost certainly be able to be FI by 60).

    I think the real source of the resentment is that by your actions of being frugal and being able to live without the wage slavery you are highlighting other peoples choices, they then realise that their choice isn’t making them happy, but instead of them realising that they can change, they lash out at the messenger.

    I agree with your thoughts that it’s better to avoid the subject with these people, but this may not be possible as they will continue their resentment, and I would then avoid them altogether, and spend your time with the people who love you for who you are.

    I find when I have talked to people at work about my journey (I avoid talking about the actual values), I get a lot of the same reaction (normally along the lines of “it’s all right for some”), but then they continue to have the same “spend it” approach!

    I have therefore stopped talking about my plans for “retirement” and will gladly wave them goodbye when I do reach FI.

    I think this whole episode highlights that it is best for like minded people to talk about the things they have in common, and that if people are interested, they will quietly come and ask for “advice”, and at this point I will freely give my experiences and thoughts, but do say that they have to work out their own philosophy.

    Best Wishes

    FI UK

  53. DM,

    congrats to making the most out of a difficult situation.
    You’ve come a long way on your journey to financial independence.
    Along with that come situations like this and therewith personal development.

    Just take care that you don’t change too much due to negative happenings.
    Keep it up

    Thanks for sharing

  54. Jason,

    Crazy story, but I’m so happy for you that your girlfriend decided to join you in Ann Harbor! Sometimes we are so hellbent on reaching our own goals that we neglect to truly listen to those around us. And often it takes some time away from eachother to find that you can actually make it work after all.

    I’m sorry to hear that some of your family members resent you for pursuing financial independence. Although I don’t know you in person, I believe you are not one to brag or run around telling everyone how great you’re doing. Jealousy is an ugly thing and it’s hard to avoid other being jealous about someone who is clearly enjoying his lifestyle and feeling fantastic.

    Hopefully the tips you’ve given above will help you to avoid any future resentment. I’ll definitely try them out for myself as I don’t want to deal with something similar to what you’ve been going through lately.

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts and experiences! That takes a lot of guts!

    Best wishes,
    NMW

  55. DM,

    Thanks for sharing this personal moment in your life. The incident with your family members resonates with me. I also had this dream of merging my family life with the life I built with my girlfriend, but after a number of jarring incidents I realized my family was forcing me to choose between them or her. I made my choice and moved to “Florida” a year ago.

    Looking back after one year I realize that I have gone through a tremendous process of growth and change since settling down with my girlfriend and that my family was unable to process the sudden changes in me. I can never merge my old family life with my new life with my girlfriend because the one would destroy the other.

    I miss my family but the price for having them in my life is simply too high. I am in a better place now, I prefer my new life and the path I am on and do not want to lose that.

    Reading your posts I strongly feel your future is with your girlfriend and her son (and dog ;). I applaud you for investing so much time and effort into being close to your family, but please make sure that they do not disrupt the path you are on. Your main responsibility is to be happy yourself, and sometimes family can actually becomes an impediment to that. Sad but true.

  56. DM,
    You have worked very hard to get to this point in your life. You have made sacrifices like eating Ramen noodles for months on end to achieve a maximum saving rate. That’s hardcore and I think you were the bigger person for turning back. You can’t let anyone get in the way of your journey. I have also had my issues with friends and family who borrowed money without paying back, just to find out they were buying chips at the casino or buying their lady friend’s cigarettes. Unfortunately I am not the bigger person and have to quit being an interest free bank. Congratulations on getting back with your girl. That’s great and I wish you the best of luck!

  57. A really interesting perspective and story, thanks so much for sharing it with us. I am certainly on the receiving end of various jokes/comments regarding cheapness when I’m out with certain friends or family. Luckily they havnt got to the stage of assuming a huge wealth pile and so expecting me to pay extra!

    I love your 5 strategies to help avoid this in future, I’ll try to implement them myself. Glad to see a happy ending after your tale, and I hope your girlfriend enjoys the move.

  58. That’s exciting news about your girlfriend moving up 🙂 happy for y’all. At least some good has come out of the icky situation with your family, but I do think you have some solid plans moving forward.

    This was a cautionary tale for me. I’ve been. Contemplating sharing more information about our finances, but I can see now that it would not be a good idea. I’m pretty sure ALL of our family would want to know why we aren’t doing (fill in the blank), because surely we have money (no). I think I’ll keep it under wraps and just speak in generalities

  59. One of your best posts. Good thoughts and good conclusions. Treading the path less traveled certainly feels easier shared with an understanding and (somewhat) likeminded partner. I’m blessed in this way also, but I don’t think my family and friends would completely understand. I try and avoid talking about personal finance most of the time, but if they would resent me for my life choices I would certainly react as you did, probably minus the calmdown 🙂 More power to you!

  60. I can really relate to this story. I moved down from the North of England to South many years ago purely for work reasons, leaving most of my family and friends behind. I worked very hard, avoided debt, built up savings, bought my own place and did my level best to keep relationships going. But I’ve always had this feeling that somehow it wasn’t enough, that I should be doing more, especially where family are concerned. Unfortunately ‘doing more’ often involves handing over money or buying gifts that seem to valued above my company, which makes me sad. I’ve always cared about my family and I’m not adverse to helping people out where I can, but I’ve never understood why I’m expected to pay more just because I didn’t get married, didn’t have children, didn’t take out loans and simply tried to live within my means. Did I do something wrong? I’m beginning to wonder…

  61. Wow, Jason! You had me on the edge of my seat there for a bit ~ heading back to Florida!! Oh, BTW, you may want to experience your first winter again before you have your GF move up, just sayin’ :-). I think it’s great that you guys are reuniting. You see, you can have your cake and eat it too!

    I’m sorry to hear about the resentment factor, but it sounds like it may have brought about some positive changes so that’s good. I haven’t experienced this and I doubt I will with my family, because they know how hard we are working to become debt free. Does this family you are referring to read your blog? Maybe they would have a better appreciation for your circumstances. I have slowly told my family about my blog and even have my Dad reading it from time to time. To be honest, I don’t think anyone reads it regularly though, which I have mixed feelings about.

  62. Sometimes real life takes priority over what this blog was originally written for. We all enjoy discussing money & investments or we wouldn’t be here, but I think the different perspective some of your readers brought to the table regarding your personal challenges is refreshing. I enjoyed sharing my thoughts as well, but like everyone who had a comment, it was really based on what would we do in these circumstances, but ultimately this is your life and the decisions are yours.

  63. Paul, money can bring out the best and worst in people. Just reading your story, I can tell you one of my best friends in Canada won a $7 million dollar lottery about three years ago. He made the mistake of not only telling his family & friends of his good news, but writing a couple cheques to charities because he felt he should give some to less fortunate. His grown kids have spent what he gave them on cars, trips & clothes, his ex wife has hounded him relentlessly until he gave her something, friends, neighbours & guys he met at the pub all felt they should share in it. Worse yet, the charities not only took the money, but sold his name, address & phone to other charities, so they started sending him requests for donations. He has about a quarter of what he won left, and has now invested it, and has learned to say no. Hard lesson, but you can learn a lot about people by mentioning the word money!

  64. Resentment is a strange and funny animal, that is for sure. Sadly, I was exposed to this frequently as a kid growing up. My dad comes from a poor family, the eldest of six kids. By far the most successful, he and my mom passed on their intelligence to their three children. His siblings grew extremely jealous and spiteful towards us kids, for no fault of our own, simply because we wanted to do more things than stare at a TV for hours, or know how to interact and behave at family functions. They saw in us what they wanted for their kids, but failed to parent in a manner that generated such results. It goes without saying, we are pretty much estranged from that entire side of family.

    I wish you the best of luck as you and your SO work to get through the next year apart, and as you find your new path. Surrounded by those who are envious, but are too short-sided to make the lifestyle decisions necessary to have the financial success you do.

  65. I too have been told by family that I’m cheap not frugal because in my opinion they are jealous. The idea of purchasing $115 bottle of perfume for an in laws birthday is not my idea of cheap but stupidity. This lead too a lot of resentment because “I have so much and they work just as hard as I do”. They do work hard however I choose to spend money differently then they do. I am just floored that any family member would cut ties over a bank account balance. Just another life lesson.

  66. A couple of thoughts

    1.) I think you just got a taste of what happens routinely to professional athletes when they get “that contract”.
    2.) Never let a good woman go. She *gets* you. Congratulations on rekindling.

    Main thought: You know you’re doing something right financially when people think you’re rich. 🙂

  67. Good Story and said that resentment is something family can use against you because of their short comings. I understand what you want with regards to Financial independence, and if those folks are not in the same mental state they just will not understand the sacrifice to reach real freedom. Good Luck in the cold winters, Im trying to change to a warmer state myself.

  68. Jason,
    Interesting post. Will you still be as open about your finances in your blog? Are your sister and family that you are living with part of the problem? Do you realize that you have more saved than the average American family? That makes you “rich” in some peoples’ eyes.

    I have seen parallels in your journey to my own in the past, as you know. Here is another: my wife said she would never move to Michigan. So, I came up here to look for work, found a job with an auto manufacturer, and she changed her mind. The point being that I was up here for a couple of months thinking she was gone from my life. I had my 30th anniversary at my company on August 8th, by the way. And Karen and I have been married for over 31 years, so sometimes things work out for the best.

    Another parallel, my sister (before she died in a car accident – another story) was resentful of my success. She was taking money from my brother and my wife every week to buy cigarettes and junk food, but she wasn’t working. My brother found out (he worked at Home Depot so wasn’t wealthy by any means) and it came to a head. We confronted our sister and told her that she needed to get a job and start working. We were in our late twenties, and my brother and I couldn’t see giving my sister money for the rest of our lives if she wasn’t putting forth any effort whatsoever. The parallel here is two-fold. The first is how my sister perceived my success, and how that meant that I should give her money (sound familiar?). The second is how those who are successful, particularly if it is based on hard work and sacrifice, view others that just want to take advantage of the fruits of their labor (again, sound familiar?). We are all a product of our point-of-view. You should be commended for your efforts, but I will admit, I tried to start a blog and was uncomfortable putting enough personal financial information in it to compete (figuratively) with blogs such as yours.

    My heart stopped when you wrote that you left to move back to Florida. Thank God you had a change of heart. Not because Florida is the wrong place to live, but because you shouldn’t be forced back there by those who do not have your best interests at heart. If you decide in your own time to move back, then that would be just fine. Knowing that your significant other and her son will be joining you in the future is awesome news. Love knows no bounds.

    One of these days maybe I’ll be lucky enough to meet you face-to-face. I would consider it an honor to be called your friend.
    Be blessed,
    KeithX

  69. DM,

    Great post in general. Excellent tips on talking about your finances, and its always nice to see a happy ending.

    Regarding the tips, I have kind started using that method as well. I remember when I was very jazzed up getting into financial independence, but so many other people did not buy in. Some did, and I like talking with them about it a lot, but most people view it as some sort of impossible goal. I found similar resistance when I told people about schemes to use credit card points for making travel cheap. It seemed simple to me when someone explained it to me, but others seemed to hear it as if it were a scam or a hassle.

    I also sympathize with the cheap versus frugal discussion. I think everyone who tries to be frugal gets accused of being cheap, and it is typically not fair. I am frugal for the basics, however who does not have their weaknesses? Mine is sports, I like to get decent cleats, equipment, etc. Another thing I have found is my friends love to eat out, more than twice a week typically, so when I read a menu I look for the cheaper value. Rarely will I get something off the expensive part of the menu, there is no point when a good burger or sandwich is just as satisfying.

    Anyways, I wish you the best of luck in your continuing journey.

    -Gremlin

  70. Hi Jason,

    Thanks for sharing and I’m glad you turned back! Have you heard of The Stealth Wealth Movement? If not, let me personally invite you to it (please see the post).

    It feels good to highlight your growing wealth. But for the reasons you mention in this post, it’s probably not a good idea to do so, so often because people will resent you for it.

    If you keep saying you have $160,000 and make all this money passively, then a friend or family member who only has $5,000 will of course not be happy if you don’t offer to pay for everything.

    It’s just the way it is. Stealth Wealth!

    Sam

  71. Very interesting Jason. I think most of us can firmly understand what you are going through.

    Do you think there could be “future resentment” based on your girlfriend deciding to move to MI? Hopefully she has past experience with long, cold winters. Weather isn’t everything, but it certainly plays more of a role up north here.

    I’m not sure I could have turned around on your attempt to head back to Florida.

    I think your “be an iceberg” philosophy is a good one. There is a portion of you that people “see”. Under the surface you are a mile deep block of ice.

    Good luck. Life is an interesting journey.

  72. So happy it worked out with your gf. Best happy ending ever.

    I was totally shocked when people around me started coming out of the woodwork with expecting a slice of it. The one that really gets my goat is they look at you to pick up the tab and then act pissed when you don’t. It’s like, it was your idea to go out since you get cabin fever!!! Or the dreaded, i’ll get you next time.

    The other one is when they tell you “you don’t understand, your so lucky to have what you have”. Uh, nope. I worked all through college to come out with little debt. I took an insanely hard degree and gave up virtually every night and weekend to study. I worked 60 hr weeks on my 3 coop’s across 2 different companies to ensure i got a competitive job offer. I made a mistake and married a materialistically girl and spent 5 years digging out of that financial hole. No, that wasnt luck buddy. Enjoy those credit cards and your high maintenance not-working gf bro. Ok, done venting =P

  73. And i don’t remember where i heard it but this qoute seemed appropriate:
    “Resentment kills a fool, and envy slays the simple.”

  74. This story has made me want to comment for the first time although I have been reading for months. It is amazing how relationship dynamics change when money gets involved. It is unfortunate you had to learn the hard way but it reinforces why I try to keep my mouth shut about finances. The people who get it are usually very supportive but the people who don’t can cause you to constantly wonder if you are being selfish and only thinking of yourself. I see from your post you have had time to think and have come up with a strategy going forward as that will be needed to complete your journey.

    I love that you and your girlfriend are back together. Sometimes we don’t see the people who care most for us and always have our best interest at heart until we face adversity. I am happy that out of all this, the most important things came out and you can continue to build a life together. Keep on marching towards your journey and I will be rooting for you both.

  75. Great story and great girlfriend you have!
    Seams to really love you and there’s an all new life ahead you two.
    Good luck!

  76. Jason – people who are successful in something often get resentment from others. You hear stories about people who have lost a lot of weight and kept it off…and their heftier friends and relatives make negative comments, try to sabotage them, and criticize the process and end result. Athletes having a good career, artists doing well, professionals enjoying success – all of these people come in for a certain dose of resentment from others. Not everyone of course, but some. This seems to be particularly true of those with healthy financial means (that as a rule they’ve worked very hard to earn, as you have).

    Unfortunately it’s part of the human condition I guess. So hang in there! And such good news about you and your lady friend (and her lucky son).

  77. A very emotional but great post!

    I can – like others that has commented before me – also relate to this.

    I’m not as frugal as you are and I’m really not cheap, but with a good paying job that i work really hard on and with tight budgets and with cautious decision what i spend money on, I’m in the beginning of a journey towards F.I. I started 3 years ago and believe I have about 10-15 more years to go before I’m all the way (I am 32 now).

    I wanted to share my plans of trying to seek F.I with my parents so i did. My dad is kind of supportive but my mom has shown signs of resentment towards what I’m doing. For her the only important thing in live is having children and she live for others and put herself last. She thinks seeking F.I so I could maybe travel and do whatever i want with my time somewhere in the future is really selfish. If I have money now the only right thing to do is to pay for those who have chosen the spending path and therefore don’t have the money i have. Now she always try to make sure that i pay extra money whenever there’s a chance – i should buy dinners for friends and relatives with children, chip in more than others when it comes to gifts and so on – the topic often comes up when we talk. It’s like her knowledge that i have money has blocked her old view of me. I really believes telling her about what I’m doings has damaged our relationship, maybe for ever.

    I’m afraid that if I tell my friends about how much money I have invested they would react in a similar way. I don’t think people get the concept of replacing the monthly income – they just see the amount of money I have “on a pile” – because thats the way they relate to money.

    I now keep the journey to my self (and a part of it with my girlfriend who is supportive with what i do) but i will not share my progress with my friends and relatives. It’s sad that i cant share the milestones – of what is an important thing in my life – with the closest ones. Today I passed 4000 SEK /month in future dividend income (about 600$) but I will only celebrate this in my own head 🙂 Maybe a bit sad but thats the way it has to be.

    Anyway, thanks for sharing! And i’m really happy about the positive twist at the end! Life is good after all! 🙂

  78. While I could not be happy emulating your level of frugality, I am still wildly impressed!

    It’s tough to refrain from imposing our own beliefs upon others. Naturally, we do what we do because we decided, given the available information, it’s the best course of action… whether it’s religion, political views, financial habits, or if we prefer Roth to taxable. 🙂

    Sorry to hear it, but I hope it’s a “skin thickening” experiment. It’s hard not to want to help someone, but you have to understand that you can’t help someone who doesn’t want it or isn’t open to learning something new.

    I am beyond happy for you that your gf will be joining you in Michigan. Looks like you’ll have to weather one winter, but will know that both summer and your sweetheart are just around the bend!

    I hope the negative people won’t keep you down. Just like politics, money can be a sensitive topic for some people. Though transparency is generally a good paradigm, there are a lot of people who (for lack of a better phrase) can’t handle the truth…

    Personally, I tend to associate myself with like-minded people, when possible, and if I’m with non-like-minded people, I just don’t bring up topics which I know will be sensitive. I’m not out to change the world. I don’t have the patience, though I greatly admire those who do.

    Keep on, keeping on. Best wishes

  79. Jason,
    Fast forward yourself to 45 and the expectation of an early retirement based on your investments, frugality, etc. You’ve made it, but your friends and family are doing the 9 to 5 grind still and/or they retired at a much older age. They see the fruits of your hard work and they may be jealous that you have more free time and more time to pursue other interests. I am at that exact point. Not exactly retired, but financial independence a lot closer. My life looks a lot different compared to those around me. Parental/In law family members do not understand what I do, how I do it or what sacrifices I have had to make and still make. It is a complicated path with family and one that is difficult to negotiate without some resentment. In the end, I chose to say less about what I do and simply turn the topic away from these questions when they come up. Not as close of a relationship as perhaps years ago, but family is still family and they will get over it…

  80. Hey DM, glad to hear about your GF and son moving up. I hope it all works out for you and am glad to see you are staying positive!

  81. Wow, that’s rough! Thanks for sharing.

    In the middle of the story I was thinking that one thing I could tell you is that one good thing about having a lot of time is that you can make long road trips to visit family fairly cheaply, so it might not be so bad to live close. Well, I guess that’s still relevant because you feel like Ann Arbor is kind of far away!

    Resentment is also a thing I have trouble understanding. I first noticed this when we had to read Melville’s “Billy Budd” in school. Everyone loved Billy Budd except one guy who resented him.

    I’ve also heard that people who successfully lose a lot of weight find themselves being treated bizarrely by their friends and relatives, who now are no longer thinner and resent that the newly thin person is now making them look bad instead of look good.

    You’re right–if they really wanted to do this, they (probably) could. And now that fact is in their face, and so it’s very clear that they must not really want it and they might be feeling inferior. Or maybe just unlucky, like it’s all luck, so you should be throwing some of that their way.

    The closest this has come to me in my life is when my grandmother died. She was the richest one in the family, the one people would go to for loans. I thought that after that, my family might see me as the richest person in the family (even though I earn less than most of them) because I am best at saving money. Fortunately for me, my parents don’t think it’s right to ask the younger generation for loans, so it’s worked out fine. Also, my family thinks of me as “the responsible one,” so they think maybe I’m a little boring but also deserving, so that really helps.

    Meanwhile, I get to retire next year because I’ll be getting a pension. We all know how angry some people are that other people get to have pensions. And once you have free time, some people want to start hogging it–hey can you hang out at my house until the repair people get there, etc. I mean that happens to stay-at-home parents, and I don’t even have kids or pets, so I’ll have no excuse! I’m still working out how I will deal with all that.

    I’m glad your girlfriend was able to be there for you. And I’m glad you were finally able to hear her, too. And you get to be together again. This is awesome!

    And I’m glad you’re working out ways to stay with the rest of your family. You probably still have a few more tweaks to make! But hopefully the hardest parts are in the past.

  82. Ryan,

    I was definitely hurt and upset. I’m actually a bit surprised I took off like I did, because that’s a bit unlike me. I guess we sometimes let emotions get the best of us.

    I’m definitely excited to bring my Florida family up here and fuse them with my Michigan family. Amazing how good things can come out of a crappy situation. 🙂

    Appreciate all the support and kind words. I hope all continues to be well for you over there!

    Best wishes.

  83. Super Simple,

    Thanks! A lesson was definitely learned. I’m invoking a new policy of avoiding any financial discussions with family from here on out. It’s for the best. 🙂

    And there is a bright side to all of this. I’m flying Claudia up in October for her to look around and see if she can see a life for herself up here. And if she can’t, then it’s back to Florida. I personally think she’s going to love it, but I won’t push her either way. I’m leaving our future up to her.

    Thanks for stopping by! Appreciate the support.

    Cheers!

  84. Pollie,

    Thank you very much. I’m incredibly grateful for this community. It’s funny that in some ways I’m closer to you readers than certain people in my personal life. 🙂

    I just hope there is value to be had in this post. I certainly learned a lesson!

    Take care.

  85. Wow. Awesome post! So insightful. Thank you so much for sharing and I’m glad things are going to work out for you.

  86. Monty,

    Great points there. And I agree completely how perception can change based on exactly what information they know of a situation. Wording things just a little differently (but meaning the same thing) can change people’s perception of a situation. Funny how that works.

    I know what you mean in regards to family. My main focus is now going to be on Claudia and her son. She seems to be pretty excited about moving up here and having access to my family. She actually has a very small family that she’s not particularly close to. So she’s kind of anxious to have everyone in her life. We’ll see how it works out. I’m going to leave some of the big decisions as far as where we settle down to her. I did it my way and it didn’t work out very well!

    I appreciate the perspective there. I have noticed how some people have changed over the years. Change can be a good thing, but sometimes it’s not. In the end, one has to be most concerned about themselves and their own family.

    Cheers!

  87. FI UK,

    I think resentment is an unfortunate consequence of our respective journeys to financial independence. You make a great point there in regards to our choices highlighting others choices that maybe make them unhappy about their own lives. Even though we’re not actively trying to bring others down, they somehow think we are by propelling ourselves higher and further. They then feel a bit stuck in the mud, and resent those that have figured their way out. It’s sad that it’s like that, because I’ve never personally approached life like that. I see a problem and I want to solve it. If I’m stuck in the mud then I look no further than myself for the problem.

    You have the right approach there in regards to discussing finances and early retirement with others. Do your own thing and if those that want to get to where you are really want to change they’ll come to you for advice with honesty and humbleness.

    Thanks for stopping by and sharing!

    Best regards.

  88. Grow Independent,

    I definitely don’t plan on changing a thing. If anything, this has given me more motivation to push even further and higher than before. Even better, I’m going to have my wonderful and supportive partner there with me as we shoot for FI together. 🙂

    Take care!

  89. NMW,

    Absence sometimes makes the heart grow fonder. And that is definitely the case here for both of us. I was guilty of not really listening to my partner, which is a shame on my part. But my ears and heart are fully open now. 🙂

    I’m definitely not one to brag. My situation is mostly known because of the fact that I’ve been on television, and so some people in my family know of certain things through that. Otherwise, it’s quite rare that I actually discuss any of this with family. I quietly and happily go about what I do, but, as you say, it’s hard to avoid jealousy when others see you are truly happy with everything you’re doing.

    I do hope my experience provides some value for you in helping you avoid this as much as possible. It’s probably difficult to avoid jealousy/resentment completely for your whole life, but minimizing its impact is a noble and worthwhile goal.

    Thanks for stopping by.

    Cheers!

  90. Hey, Jason. I agree with the stealth wealth movement and only share your personal financial information with your significant other (and your blogging audience!). I’ve learned the best option for me is to live close enough to my family (40 miles) to be there in case of an emergency, but live far enough away to have some space. I love my family, but dude, no way could I live with them.

    Great news about your GF moving up to Michigan.

  91. Bite-sized income,

    That’s a great comment there. I completely understand and agree.

    I knew that this journey was going to be a bit more difficult up here in Michigan, but I viewed it from the financial angle rather than the personal one. And that was obviously a miscalculation on my part.

    Unfortunately, family can indeed sometimes be an impediment to our hopes, goals, and dreams. It’s sad that it can be like that, but sometimes people either don’t change or change for the worse, and want to drag others down with them. I suppose misery loves company.

    Although, most of my family is incredibly supportive. And I’ve got a great best friend up here who’s 100% supportive of what I’m doing. So it’s not all bad. But there is nobody else in my personal life doing anything like I’m doing, so it is hard to relate sometimes.

    We’ll see what happens with my girlfriend. I’m flying her up in October to see how she likes it up here. If there are any doubts on her part then I’ll go back and live my life very happily with her. But if she wants to move up here and try things out then I’m definitely going to do whatever it takes to make her comfortable.

    I’m glad you made your choice and moved back to your own version of Florida. I made an incredibly difficult decision on the road there and decided to head back and give things another try up here. I won’t know until later if that was the right choice or not.

    It’s sad that you were forced to choose between one family life and the other, but you made the right choice. As you state, your ultimate responsibility is to yourself and your own happiness. 🙂

    I don’t know if I’m in a similar situation to your own. Perhaps I will have to choose in the end. I guess we’ll see.

    Thanks so much for sharing that.

    Best wishes!

  92. DividendMongrel,

    Thanks so much. I don’t know if I’m the bigger person or just a glutton for punishment. I suppose we’ll see. 🙂

    Sorry to hear you’ve run into your own issues there. If there’s anything I’ve learned with this experience and through these comments it’s that these types of issues are pretty common. The best we can do is focus on us and love those around us. I’m always here to support others, but from a safe distance where I can do what’s best for me.

    Can’t blame you for ending your interest-free banking activities. I’d also shut down operations pretty quickly. Unfortunate that friends and family can betray trust and love sometimes. It is what it is, though. We just need to respond accordingly.

    Thanks for sharing!

    Cheers.

  93. ERG,

    It’s good that you haven’t faced any resentment yet. I would definitely recommend to accumulate your wealth anonymously and avoid any discussions on what your financial situation is like. That would be better for everyone. 🙂

    I never really had a choice about it because of the situation I put myself in regarding the blog and everything, and I’ve always been a very open person anyway. It’s a shame that being open and trying to help others is a trait that can actually cause hardship. But I know what I need to do in the future.

    Thanks for the support. There is a happy ending after all. I’m lucky that I have an incredibly supportive, understanding, forgiving, and loving partner.

    Take care!

  94. Jason,
    damn sorry to hear how poorly you own family and friends had treated, but I would say you handled the situation perfectly. Though had it been me being antagonized I probably would have let my temper get the best of me and say something I would have later regretted. but truth of the matter is Jason, you have something most people will never have the chance to experience and its not just wealth but its to actively pursue a dream.
    Congrats on reuniting with your girlfriend, and her son. You story had me on the edge of my seat waiting for the saga to unfold haha

    Thanks again for sharing!

    Ace

  95. Kirsten,

    I think you’re making an excellent decision there. I don’t know your personal situation, but people in your life likely will not understand the hard work and intricacies that go into building wealth for you and your immediate family. It’s a shame we can’t all share more, because it’s nice to be able to share certain milestones with those we love. But I suppose that’s what the online community is for. 🙂

    Appreciate the support. I’m also very glad that there was some silver lining to all of this. I suppose I should be glad it happened because it drove me and my partner closer.

    Best of luck with your own journey and situation!

    Cheers.

  96. Tom,

    Thank you. Glad you enjoyed the post. 🙂

    And being on this path that so few travel obviously changes us in ways we can’t fully predict. And it changes us in ways that are different from those around us. I suppose I lose perspective of that sometimes because I’m so far along in this journey. But I do recall at the beginning how crazy some of this stuff seemed. I’ve had time to adapt, change, and grow. But some of those around me haven’t.

    It sounds like you’re in a great situation over there where you have someone who’s supportive right along with you. That’s wonderful. I’d say it’s key to success to have a fully supportive and like-minded partner. Otherwise, what’s the point if you’re going to enjoy all the benefits by yourself?

    Thanks for the kind words and encouragement.

    Best regards.

  97. Paul,

    That’s a shame. I know exactly how you feel because I’m also unmarried, without children, without a huge mortgage, etc.

    But you did nothing wrong. And those that chose other ways of life also did nothing wrong. None of us are right or wrong. All we can do is love each other and be supportive. However, we also need to have clear boundaries on what’s acceptable and what’s not. I would definitely give my time, affection, support, and love if I were you, but not the money. Money can make people act very funny in ways we can’t really predict.

    I wish you the best of luck in finding the right balance for you and your family. 🙂

    Cheers.

  98. Debs,

    Haha. My girlfriend has been saying the same thing about winter. Although, she kind of wants a change. She’s like me in that she gets tired of a place after living there for too long. She craves new experiences, and so she’s actually quite excited about the idea of living up here. My problem is I was rushing her and not listening to her.

    I’m glad you haven’t really experienced the same issues I have. My family is aware of all the hard work I’ve put in, but few people in my personal life read this blog. My girlfriend has read every post. My best friend stops by quite a bit. And I understand that my oldest sister’s husband reads occasionally. But that’s about it. Most of my family just doesn’t have an interest in any of this, and I don’t really have a problem with that at all. But lack of support/understanding and resentment are two different things. But it is what it is. All we can do is acknowledge the situation and act accordingly. 🙂

    That’s great that your family is fully aware of all the hard work you guys are putting in to better your situation and supports everything you’re doing. Enjoy those wonderful relationships!

    Best regards.

  99. W2R,

    That’s a sad story there. It amazes me that there are people out there that want certain results, but do not take the necessary steps to implement the changes required. It’s just a shame.

    It’s great that you had wonderful parents who recognized what it took to parent correctly and gave you the tools to succeed. 🙂

    It should be an interesting year or so. But I’m flying her up in October, and then for Thanksgiving and Christmas too. And I plan to spend some time down there in the winter. I hope the time passes by quickly and we’re back on this path together.

    Thanks for sharing that. Glad that you guys separated yourselves from those that only bring you down.

    Best wishes!

  100. Jason,

    Wow! Thanks for sharing that story. I was feeling very bad for you for much of it. You had just made the difficult decision to move back to Michigan solely to be closer to your family and now this happens. You’ve gone through so much and worked very hard to get to the financial situation you are in now. It’s sad that people place so much value on money. It should be a tool like anything else.

    Without going into names, my aunt and uncle have a similar problem with money. One of my uncle’s brothers (not relation) was put in charge of the family’s estate and has been using the funds for his own personal gain. It’s a tough situation. How one can do that to their own family, I have no idea. I have one younger brother and can’t imagine doing anything like that to him. In fact, I’d give him more than myself!

    I agree with the difference between being cheap and frugal. While you are frugal, you definitely aren’t cheap. Heck, does your family realize you left a paying middle class job to spend more time with them? Or did they want you to remain in a job that you don’t enjoy, like the rest of them?!

    While your online ad income does seem to help a lot, I bet you would have made the move regardless. If I were you I’d continue to live as you do now, generous but frugal. And, after that lucrative book deal comes through (you must be writing it, right?!) you’ll be able to dedicate even more of your time and money to generosity via charity and volunteerism.

    This actually brings up something that I recently read in the collection of parables about finances called “The Richest Man in Babylon” (there’s a free PDF available if you do a Google search). Rather than being resented for his wealth, the rich man is looked up to in the community and specifically tasked by the king to educate the citizens of Babylon on financial matters. I think that is one of the things that is wrong with financial education today…rather than people like yourself being held up as examples of the “correct” way to live, our culture instead more respects the meaningless contributions of today’s hottest reality TV stars.

    It does seem that everything works out in the end. The end of this post is incredible…such a turn-around from the pessimism at the beginning. It is awesome that your girlfriend and son will be moving up to live with you. While it will definitely be more expensive with a family, it is a very worthwhile expense. What is the use of money if you have nobody to enjoy it with? She seems like a very strong woman and very much in love with you. Glad to hear that you’re back together!

    I think the “stealth wealth” movement is good within some limits. I’m doing something similar on my blog. I’m being very open about my finances so others can see exactly what I’m doing but at the same time my real name won’t be connected. However, for you, it is likely already too late. This is a good thing though! For those that resent you, fine, they’ll keep filling the pockets of the reality TV stars. On the other hand, exposing your real name through media appearances has probably given you countless more students than you would have had if you had remained anonymous.

    My advice, don’t quit what works. Thanks again for the great post. I have friends that live near Ann Arbor and will let you know if I’m ever headed in that direction!

  101. Ginny,

    That’s sad there. It’s just amazing to me how people are about money. It really seems to bring out the worst in people.

    And you make a great point there. It’s not just about how hard you work. It’s about how you spend your money. It’s not what you make; it’s what you keep. Sadly, too few people realize this. Thus, they get jealous when other people do.

    It’s definitely a good life lesson. And then you know who’s truly there for you and who’s not. If money is going to kill a relationship then it was probably not that strong of a relationship to start with.

    All we can do is keep our heads up and continue marching toward freedom. 🙂

    Take care.

  102. Scott,

    Great thoughts there.

    I can imagine how a professional athlete feels now. To think that others would resent you even though they weren’t the ones practicing for countless hours, living and breathing a sport, and doing whatever it took to succeed is just really unfortunate. How others could expect a payout even though they weren’t there to support the journey 100% all along the way is just beyond my comprehension. It’s truly ignorant. Some people want the results without putting in the hard work.

    And I hear you on not letting her go. I’m going to lock her down for the rest of my life. 🙂

    Cheers!

  103. RichUncle EL,

    Thank you!

    Unfortunately, shortsightedness is far more than an optical issue. And it creates consequences and issues we can’t really foresee. But lesson learned!!

    I’m wondering how I’ll do with my first winter in a long time. It’s really not the cold so much that bothers me, but the lack of light. However, I did miss the change in seasons down in FL. Maybe I can one day get to the point where I’m snowbirding it. 🙂

    If you’re looking for a warmer state I still recommend FL. No state income tax and cheap housing once you get away from the coast.

    Take care.

  104. Glad to see everything worked out for you in the end, Jason. Don’t let the naysayers hold you back.

  105. Hi Jason,
    One thing that I wanted to mention is that as you find yourself with a larger amount of fungible wealth that is published on the web for all to see is that you run the risk of criminals targeting you (through a kidnapping etc.).
    I would seriously reconsider your need/desire to be fully transparent.

    As a fellow dividend investor, I don’t ever tell anyone other than my wife how much I have and where it’s invested. This is done to avoid criminal activity against me; I’d rather not spend my time being forced to deter criminals.

  106. KeithX,

    Our lives do have some really interesting parallels there. And that’s for both better and worse. 🙂

    I remember you mentioning how your eventual wife followed you up to Michigan not long after you made the move. And it looks like I’ll be in the same situation myself. I’m excited to show Claudia around Ann Arbor and see what she thinks. She’s already done some pretty serious research on the city and is very anxious to check it out for herself. We’ve chatted about this for hours and hours and she feels very ready for a change.

    I was far beyond Michigan’s borders when I decided to turn around. And I was on the phone with Claudia when I made the u-turn. She said she’d support me either way, and that home is where the heart is. She’d welcome me with open arms if I were to return, but would love to move up here and experience four seasons again. Either way, she just wanted us to be together. I’m honestly the luckiest guy alive to have her in my life. I hope to one day celebrate our 30th anniversary together like you guys have. 🙂

    I don’t plan to change anything at all with the blog. It wasn’t the blog that led to the problem. It was certain members of my family and their shortsighted attitude toward money and wealth. And it was me being too open with them in my personal life. None of them actually even read the blog. And I’m not even sure they know the name of it.

    I’m sorry to hear about the relationship you experienced with your sister there. I don’t have it quite like that, although my mother acted in very similar ways. She’s gone now, but I know for sure if she were still alive I’d have to live far away from her.

    But I do hope to meet up in person one day. I really cherish being able to meet like-minded people and discuss life’s possibilities.

    Best wishes.

  107. DG,

    Thanks for sharing that. I know exactly what you mean when looking at the cheaper part of the menu. It’s not about being cheap, but simply finding value in what we spend money on. You find value in your sports equipment, and that’s okay.

    It’s unfortunate that we need to keep certain aspects of this private, because we’re all excited to share it and spread the good word. But I now realize that many people out there just aren’t ready to hear about it. They’ll change if they want to. Meanwhile, I’m chasing after the best life I can possibly have. 🙂

    Cheers!

  108. Sam,

    I had heard of it as a term at one point, but I didn’t know there was a movement. It certainly makes sense, even though it’s unfortunate it has to be that way.

    I’m certainly going to read more about that. While I don’t plan to change anything here at the blog, it’s time to go into stealth mode in my personal life. 🙂

    Thanks for stopping by!

    Best regards.

  109. DM,

    Thanks for sharing your history!
    I too believe that negative things happens for a reason and u should learn from it.
    Much love from brazil!

  110. Wade,

    Life is indeed interesting, isn’t it? And in ways we can’t really predict.

    I don’t anticipate there being any resentment from Claudia if she decides to move her and her son up here. I’m actually going to leave the entire decision fully up to her. If she thinks we’ll be happier in FL then I’ll gladly move back. But she’s been indicating that she wants to leave FL anyhow. She’s lived in quite a few places in her life and gets bored if she’s in one place for more than 5-10 years. She’s not the type to have a house with a white picket fence and live there for 50 years. Which is good, because I’m not either. And she has experienced cold winters. She lived in Oslo, Norway for a while, and I understand it gets pretty cold there in the winter.

    The iceberg analogy is very apt. And not only do people see a tip of what it takes to get to where we’re going, but they only see those pieces they really want to see. Ignoring the rest of it is easy to do. It’s a shame that it’s like that, but I learned a valuable lesson here. And better to have learned it now than 10 or 20 years down the road when things are even more different.

    Thanks for stopping by and sharing. 🙂

    Best wishes.

  111. LOL, buddy, he is not Warren Buffett & this is not Columbia. Homeowners in most major cities have more in equity in their homes, and I’m sure kidnapping is way down the list of things to be worried about.

  112. That was actually something I was quietly wondering. I really can’t undrrstand the lack of curiosity. My gf keeps an instagram account about healthy stuff 🙂 with quite a few followers. She refuses to let me read any of it, supposedly because I would make fun of her or think it silly. It’s true that the topic feelslukewarm to me, but it’s this whole world she’s immersed in, so I’m obviously curious. The same would apply if someone in my family had a blog with readers from all over the world, even if it was about…. cats..?

  113. For example, I can’t help but expect you to buy me a drink at Fincon due to your posts about dividend income and investment fund updates every month. I know I shouldn’t expect anything. But that’s just the way humans are!

  114. Zol,

    I totally hear you. I think that’s what’s most frustrating about all of this. Other people act as if we didn’t work hard to get to this position, when it’s quite the opposite. We have to work even harder to get here. Of course, the reward comes later when we’re no longer engaged in wage slavery. But others just don’t see it.

    Thanks for the support. It’s definitely turning into a very happy ending! 🙂

    I hope you’re able to balance those relationships and focus on those that do support and understand what you’re doing.

    Cheers!

  115. Dave,

    That’s an interesting take on lending to family members. I tend to agree. Lending to family has to come with the prospect of never seeing the money again. If you’re okay with that then you can avoid issues right off the bat. I was never actually asked to lend any money to anyone; it was more an issue of people insinuating that I could only get to where I’m at by ripping off other people, and I was later expected to just hand out cash. A little different scenario.

    Thanks for sharing that!

    Take care.

  116. Lynx,

    Thank you for the support. I really appreciate it!

    I agree that it’s best just to adapt a policy of avoiding financial discussions with just about everyone outside of your immediate family. It’s a shame that it has to be that way, but I learned my lesson.

    And I’m glad that we’re going to complete this journey together. I honestly wouldn’t be where I’m at right now if it weren’t for her. She supported me from the beginning and kept me going when things were difficult and I was tired.

    Appreciate you taking the time to comment for the first time. Stay in touch!

    Best wishes.

  117. MarciaB,

    I agree. It appears to be part of the human condition to envy others. I’m guilty of a lot of things and have my fair share of faults, but I honestly can’t recall being envious of others. If others have something I want I simply try to figure out a way to get it for myself. I realized I was in horrible financial condition when I first started this journey, and that was completely my fault. So I didn’t blame others. I instead focused on reading about other successful individuals and how they achieved financial independence. Then I adapted some of those strategies for my own life.

    Appreciate the support. It appears that facing resentment just means you’re doing well. So in that regard I should be proud I’ve come far enough along to actually witness this. And it led to the rekindling of a wonderful romance. So not all is bad. 🙂

    Cheers!

  118. Swede,

    Your story is unfortunately something we can all relate to. I’m sorry that money got in the way of your relationship with your mother and how she looks at you. But I believe it’s good that you have this knowledge now. You can now focus all of your energy on those people that truly support you no matter what you do in life. I believe love should be unconditional, and not affected by money. But it seems that some people are negatively affected by money, and I’d rather know straight away who these people are so I can stop worrying so much about them and spend my time on those that love me no matter what.

    I think you’re making the right choice by avoiding any more financial discussions with other family members and friends. If we lived in a perfect world everyone would support you. But we don’t live in that world. We live in this one, where people do in fact only see your money as a pile of money to be spent and shared, not to create opportunities, freedom, and time for you down the road.

    Keep up the good fight! Thanks for stopping by.

    Best regards.

  119. Sorry to hear about this unpleasantness, it was surely not an easy experience to talk about, so thank you for sharing.

    I guess some people just get jealous and resentful – if a member of my family or a friend announced FI/early retirement, I wouldn’t be resentful, I’d want to know all about it and how I could do the same!

    Still, I’m happier not discussing my finances with loved ones or friends, hence my ‘quietly saving’ blog – I just think it’s best not to be public about financial matters as it can be a very emotional thing for some people.

    I’m glad there was a happy ending to your post!

  120. Jason, congrats on the future endeavor with your gf. I was always curious to see if y’all would find your way back together. While this was probably an experience that you wish wouldn’t have happened (the resentment part), it got you back with your gf who really does want to be with you. I have a feeling you’ll be even happier now knowing she will continue the journey with you instead of 1200 miles away!

    Keep the great articles coming.

  121. Ravi,

    I agree. We are bound to our own perspectives. As such, it’s hard to avoid or limit imposing your beliefs on others. I’ve generally been successful in this regard, which is why it’s been so frustrating to receive backlash anyway. I honestly don’t believe people will change unless they want to, so the sharing of my success has been only to bond with those I love over changing my life around for the better. I would have thought with the way things were when we were younger that everyone would be rooting for me. I found out it’s not quite like that. But that’s okay. I now know how to deal with this going forward. 🙂

    Thank you for the support. I’m also very happy that she’s going to join me up here. I’m excited to spend what would be our five-year anniversary in late October together. She’ll get to experience a Midwestern fall, and we’ll spend it checking out what will likely be our new home. It’s a new adventure, and we’re both really looking forward to it!

    I think your suggestions there at the end are spot on. 🙂

    Best regards!

  122. Dana,

    Sounds like you have the right attitude over there. And even though family is family, it’s still really none of their business how you got to where you’re at and what you’re now doing. The “cat is out of the bag” in a way for me, but from now on most of the people in my life will know very little about how much I progress from here on out. I’ll choose to instead bond over common ground. 🙂

    It sucks that the world isn’t different and we can’t all totally root for each other. But it is what it is. It’s best to recognize it for that and act accordingly.

    Cheers!

  123. Fiveoh,

    Thanks so much. I’m super happy right now. Turned this negative into a positive, and I’m just so lucky that I have a wonderfully supportive woman in my life. She’s been so incredible since the first moment I met her. They say behind every good man is a great woman, and that’s true. 🙂

    Take care!

  124. Debbie M,

    I’m glad that you have a mostly supportive family over there. That’s really wonderful. I’ve discovered through reading many of these comments that resentment and jealousy is pretty common, which isn’t surprising at all. Unfortunate, but not surprising.

    And good for you for being so close to your own retirement. That’s wonderful!! You’re in a great spot. I actually never thought about how to deal with people asking too much of my time. I’ll probably live about an hour or so away from much of my family, so this will probably limit how much of this that could possibly go on. And we plan to eventually travel a bit, so that will also create some space where it’s unlikely that will happen a lot. I think in your case it’s important to communicate and set boundaries. Otherwise, people will probably walk all over you. Again, it’s unfortunate.

    I’m also glad that Claudia was there for me. And from now on I’m there for her. I wasn’t really listening to her before, which is a mistake that’s very unlike me. But I’m not perfect and I’ve apologized profusely. I’m just lucky she accepted my apologies. She’s excited to start a new adventure together and finish this journey as a team. 🙂

    Thanks for stopping by and sharing. Sounds like you’re in pretty good shape over there!

    Cheers.

  125. SR,

    Thank you. Glad you enjoyed the post. 🙂

    Appreciate the support. I’ve got big goals and I’m just not going to let other people hold me down.

    Thanks for stopping by. Hope all is well with your journey!

    Cheers.

  126. luckydog17,

    Haha. Sounds like you’ve got the right plan there. I’ll probably end up living about as far as that, as Ann Arbor is about 60 miles or so from most of my family. After this whole episode, a little distance is probably for the best.

    Thanks for stopping by!

    Cheers.

  127. Ace,

    Haha. This whole episode had me on the edge of my seat as well. I honestly thought I was going to find myself back in Florida. I’m still a bit surprised I turned around. I’m just lucky that I have a wonderfully supportive partner. She’s truly the best person I’ve ever met in my life. And she’s quite excited about a new adventure and a change. So we’ll see what she thinks of things up here when she comes up in October. 🙂

    Thanks for stopping by. I hope you found some value in my experience. Resentment is unfortunately very real.

    Best wishes.

  128. Sorry to hear of these issues, Jason.

    Personal relationships can present difficulties, no doubt. When you combine that with financial issues it can be downright depressing at times. Many times I have wondered exactly how much information I should share with family members. To date, I have been rather subdued about revealing personal financial info about my wife and I. I don’t know that it would generate resentment in my immediate family, but I don’t want to take that chance.

    I have a brother and a sister. My brother is far wealthier than I. As for me, I’m just “comfortable” and a long, long way from wealth. My sister is in consistent financial turmoil. None of us discuss dollar figures with each other as a rule. I think there is a reason for that :-). For example, my sister’s boyfriend is a CPA. She has asked why we don’t let him take care of our taxes. Well, it’s because he is basically family and I would be uncomfortable with that.

    In starting my little blog, I have been hesitant to reveal dollar numbers and instead I use percentages. I doubt that my family would ever figure out that I was writing a blog. Still, I don’t want to throw out too much info. I don’t have the media exposure issue to deal with like you do either (thankfully).

    I wish you continued success in your ventures and I hope that the family conflicts you describe can be resolved sooner rather than later.

    Steve

  129. Scott,

    Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts there. I totally agree with what you’re saying.

    It’s a shame that our society places so much value on meaningless trinkets and the daily doings of reality TV stars. It’s honestly embarrassing. But such is life. I wish we had television shows about people who lived below their means and achieved financial independence to live out their dreams and passions. Instead, you see these occasional television shows that make it look like people who live frugally are freaks – like Extreme Cheapskates.

    I read that book a while back. Very good stuff. It’s pretty cool how they frame it around what someone in ancient times would have done, which just reinforces how timeless all of the advice really is.

    I’ve always wanted to be completely open about what I’m doing. And I will remain so here on the blog. I want people to actually see the positive changes as they occur in real time. But I will remain anonymous with it in my real life from now on. That’s just the way it has to be. It’s a real shame that it’s like that, but we just don’t live in a world where everyone is supportive of everyone else.

    This blog is supposed to show my victories and my setbacks, and this was a little of the latter. But I reconnected with my girlfriend, so it turned out to be a blessing in disguise. 🙂

    Maybe one day those that resent me will come around and see what a positive way of life this is. But it honestly doesn’t matter to me. I just want everyone in my life to be happy, no matter what that looks like financially. And that’s what’s upsetting to me. I’ve always been 100% supportive of everyone around me, even when I didn’t necessarily agree with their decisions.

    No matter. I’m just as convinced as ever that what I’m doing is right and I intend to see it through to the end. And I’m so excited that I get to finish this journey with the one who was there when I started it. 🙂

    And I definitely hope to hear from you if you ever find yourself in A2. I’ll make sure to update everyone if we do decide to settle there. I’m leaving that one all up to the girlfriend.

    Best regards!

  130. Joey Batz,

    You’ve got it, bud. I’m just as resolute as I ever was. 🙂

    Don’t let the naysayers hold you back either. Onward and upward!

    Cheers.

  131. Mario,

    I honestly never considered that. I appreciate the suggestion.

    Although, you have to wonder how those with much, much more public wealth than I have deal with this. I’m guessing a throng of bodyguards. You’d have to think someone would target a local CEO over little old me, but you never know. Of course, if I settle down in Ann Arbor I’ll probably be near the bottom run in terms of wealth, as there is plenty of it in that town. So I’d imagine my risk as a target would be small. But better to limit the risk as much as possible.

    Cheers!

  132. Dulb,

    Thank you for the support from Brazil! 🙂

    I agree. Everything that happens to us in life is an opportunity to learn and grow. And I have definitely learned a lesson here.

    Hope all is well down where you’re at!

    Take care.

  133. I was feeling a bit down reading that Mantra, but never expected that ending…!
    I’m made-up for you. Your girlfriend sounds a true star.
    All the best to you all!

  134. weenie,

    Couldn’t agree more. I think you made an excellent decision there with quietly saving. 🙂

    I’m just like you in that I’m happy for people who achieve success. I’m proud of them if they’re my family. I don’t resent, but rather would be inquisitive as to how they go there and how I might be able to. But it’s funny. As open as I’ve been all these years I’ve had almost zero inquiries for advice. Now I face resentment. Funny how that works?

    Keep up the great work over there! And thanks for stopping by.

    Cheers.

  135. Clint,

    Great point there. In that regard, I’m happy all of this happened. It brought us closer and made me realize what an idiot I had been!

    She’s such a wonderful person. And she’s as excited as I am to continue down the path together. I’m anxious to spend the rest of our lives together. 🙂

    Thanks for the support and encouragement!!

    Best regards.

  136. Steve,

    That’s a great attitude you have there. And why risk resentment when you don’t have to? It seems like a risk/reward relationship that isn’t really in your favor. You stand little to gain, and much to lose.

    I’ve always wanted to be open to help others out there and inspire. It’s a shame that it sometimes backfires, but so be it. I learned a valuable lesson during this recent episode, and from now on money is out the window as far as a potential topic with family. If anyone discusses money I’ll just nod and that’s about it. Besides, I’ve got all the support I could ever desire through you readers and my wonderful partner of five years. 🙂

    Keep up the great work over there!

    Best wishes.

  137. Thanks for sharing your story! I am happy to hear about your reunion with your girlfriend. In regards to your story, I learned long time ago that some people get jealous about others success very easily or try to use it for their needs, while making you feel guilty for not sharing your “wealth” with them… I just decided for myself when I meet people like this – slowly cut them off my life. I try to surround myself with people who have similar ideas or rich enough not to care to be jealous. Good luck on your journey!

  138. Nick,

    Thank you. She is a true star for sure. And I’m a lucky guy to have her in my life!!

    Sorry I had you feeling down – that wasn’t my intention. I’m here to inspire and encourage. But I do hope others found some value in my experience. 🙂

    Cheers!

  139. An hour away might be just the right distance. Good luck to you. And thanks for answering all our millions of comments!

  140. Great to hear that your GF is moving up! That’s awesome!

    I guess this is why I blog anonymously. 🙂 I definitely think it’s unfair for people to treat someone differently based on their financial situation.

    Maybe this is something to consider… in our household we allocate a certain percentage of take home income to an account called “Play.” Money in this account can be spent without feeling guilty. This is the account we use for dining out and other fancier things that we don’t normally do. This way we can still have a high saving rate without feeling like Mr. Scrooge. If you want to go to your favourite restaurant and order some fancy food other than chicken, use the money in your play account. If you want to get a massage to de-stress yourself, use the money in your play account. It is important to spend that money guilt free. As a saver I have to say it was a bit difficult to do this when we started. But now I can definitely see a point. You could try by allocating like 1 or 2% of the monthly income into this Play account and see if that help. Just a thought.

  141. Criminals go after people with money more often than people with time. Jason is wealthy in terms of time, so I suspect he is fairly safe from being kidnapped. That’s the beauty of this blog: it is written by a man who is very wealthy because of the amount of time he has.

  142. My take is, if someone asks you to “just hand out cash”, you can say, “I won’t give you money, but I’m happy to lend you some.” (especially if they are in dire need of it, for one-time items)

    With the caveats of the system described in the link, this can be a way to ease the resentment as it shows you are willing to help others out of a jam if need be.

    True, lending isn’t as good as giving, and some folks will probably still be resentful and say “you’re so rich, you’re being stingy not to give me money,” but I think there are those who might think a bit more seriously about the situation, and consider taking help in the fashion of a loan – if they truly need it.

    I am guessing that, sooner or later, at least one person will figure out that you might in fact be a chance for them to get money when they need it.

    I’m not trying to solve anything here, just offering some perspective.

  143. Thank for your advices about talking of money to others. I am very, very glad that you can soon live again with your girlfriend. I must say that she is great and really still loving you. She looks a bit more experienced in life.

    I personally think the greatest idea, was it me, would be to roll back to your past place in Florida. Why : 1) It was the place where you found a new way of life 2) you met a great lady there 3) the weather suited much better your clothes. 4) I only fear somehat that resentment maybe contagious in the long run to other family members.

    I personally always had problems with my family. My parents died a long time ago and there remains only one sister living in L.A, that I have not seen for 17 years (Yep ! a long long time) Miscommunnication has been Queen !

    I fear a bit that you will find both of you or the three of you in a condo and finally live a life like you lived in Florida, except that the travels to meet with the ones of your family that care for you will be shorter.

    I am straightforward to you and I beg your understanding, maybe because I was mostly ignored by my family and let alone.

    Take care !

  144. DM, That’s too bad. I think the resentment may be a combination of the fact that it’s looks like you have it all. Lots of money with little time to enjoy it could be easily rationalized away (ie…he’s got a lot but no time to enjoy it). Lots of time with little money would be like (the bugger is dirt poor, but he’s got time on his hands)…. but too have both the money and time to enjoy it…. well isn’t that what we all aspire too in life!

  145. Jason,

    You have shared a story that has connected with a lot of folks, which is great. Glad you have your readers to share your experiences with.

    I have to say that I am glad that you finally recognize who your true family is, Claudia and her son. Personally I found it ironic that you spoke of wanting to be with your MI family because of your love for them when I read of your move. I felt very sorry for the two people who supported you and encouraged you. It simply appeared as though you tossed them aside. I remember thinking of how selfish you were being in my opinion. Not judging you, just surprised by your decision making. However, to each their own. To me it is refreshing to see you realize they are your family. Best wishes in the continued relationship.

    Your tips are reasonable. But for me, I still talk of money to family because they need a touch of reality and I view that I am to play that role in their lives.

    As for your emotional reaction, I think back to the moped incident. Maybe not exactly the same, but close.

    By the way, I believe we should be able to talk about money, sex, politics, and religion and we should. Problem is our human emotions cloud our rational discussion. Just like emotions can influence our investment decisions.

    Take care and blessings.

    Kent A.

  146. Thank you for sharing your struggles. I was a little heartbroken to read that you may lean towards more of a “stealth wealth” approach. I have thoroughly enjoyed your open investing with us and love to see the actual movement/progress of your investing.
    Best of luck to you and your family as you adjust to new and renewed relationships. Congratulations on a rekindled romance.

  147. Happy,

    I hear you there on cutting certain people off. I have largely done the same throughout my life, but it’s not possible or necessarily desirable to do that with certain family members. As such, I’ll just avoid discussions on money or anything other than generalities with these people from here on out. It’s unfortunate, but it’s clear that it needs to be this way.

    Thanks for the support. Sounds like you’ve developed a great plan over there. 🙂

    Cheers!

  148. Jason, Great to hear that you are going to re-join with your ex. Its a happy reunion after all. I’m happy for you.

    I think resentment is part of life and we have to take it on chin and move on. Cheers!

  149. Tawcan,

    I hear you on blogging anonymously. I can see how some people would prefer to remain in the shadows, so to speak.

    I actually quite enjoy blogging openly and sharing everything. I’ve largely encountered nothing but support from the blog and the audience. It’s actually people in my personal life that have given me some grief as of late, which would have likely had happened whether or not I blog anonymously. But such is life.

    That’s a great budget consideration there. I don’t personally do that because I make executive decisions every time I spend money. And I’ve certainly loosened up a bit as time has gone on. I don’t harp on every penny, but I do try to take a holistic approach to the budget that encourages valuing purchases properly. And if I want to go to a baseball game or an expensive dinner out then I do. I simply try to make sure that the value is there and I’m not wasting resources that could otherwise be used to buy myself time later down the road. 🙂

    Thanks for sharing that. Sounds like you’ve mastered the budget!!

    Take care.

  150. DM,

    I swear this could have been a scene in a movie. You leaving Michigan to Florida, Florida to Michigan, the conversations/actions/events on resentment, you packing the bags and crossing into Ohio… only to turn back. Intense. Thank you for also sharing with us. I have found that I don’t bring this up much anymore with my family, unless they bring it up to me as well. I have learned through discipline that it is better to be concerned for things than to try to show your ways/methods to someone who isn’t necessary asking for it or resents what you have accomplished, it will take discipline in this, for sure.

    Also – I hope people understand Frugality vs Cheap. Frugality is not buying a mercedes simply because this or that person bought one and instead either not owning a car or buying a used Honda Accord. Cheap is saying – oh I’m not driving because I don’t want to spend money on gas. Completely different items. So that’s always a fun/frustrating/laughable topic for the frugal minded.

    I was reading your chain of events and thought for a second you were going to say you moved to Ohio haha, Bert and I would have been pumped. I started to piece in my mind, oh so that’s the reason he was at Cedar Point.. haha, classic. Hopefully it wasn’t Ohio that turned you away.

    Another item – Congratulations on rekindling with your girlfriend. If you have found the one, there is always that will that will bring you both back together. Awesome and I’m extremely pumped for you. Planning on sharing expenses in an apartment in Ann Arbor? Also, this could be great – as I’m sure you’ll have more cash to save and invest as you wait until next summer then? This is the best news I’ve heard lately. Again, Congratulations.

    You’ve done well, have grown and are using past experiences and your mind to better control your actions. Such is life Mantra and you are taking it head on.

    -Lanny

  151. Aspenhawk,

    Sorry to hear about your lost relationship with your sister there. That’s a shame but I’m sure you both have your reasons. I hope that I don’t lose relationships over this, but it’s a possibility if after taking the high ground and avoiding monetary discussions I still get grief.

    I’m definitely hopeful that I’m able to bring all of my success and family from Florida up here to Michigan. But I’m ultimately going to leave that up to my partner. She’s quite excited to move here and experience the four seasons once again, and be closer to my family. However, if for any reason she doesn’t feel comfortable with the move then I already advised her that I’m perfectly comfortable with going back to FL. I just want her to be happy and comfortable.

    It’s funny that you mention she is more experienced in life. There’s a lot of truth in that. She’s actually quite a bit older than I am, and she’s been wonderful counsel in times of stress or confusion. I should listen to her more often…

    I appreciate your perspective and support very much. Thank you for sharing your experience!

    Take care.

  152. Integrator,

    I think you have a great point there. I didn’t mention it specifically in the post, but it came out that I somehow “think I’m better than everyone else”, when I have never, ever thought that way or tried to make others feel like they were below me. I suppose that there is a perception of that because my lifestyle is one that perhaps others wish they could have. And I think that was my whole point on irony in the post. It’s the very same lifestyle that allowed me the opportunity to spend more time with people that led to those people resenting me. Funny how that works out.

    The other part of it, though, is that I still work quite a bit. My life is far better than when I was trotting down to the dealership, but it’s not like I’m living a life of complete leisure. I still put a lot of effort into everything I do. So it’s a shame that others don’t recognize that.

    But such is life. We can only continue down our respective paths and keep aiming for happiness. 🙂

    Thanks for stopping by!

    Cheers.

  153. Kent A.,

    Thanks for sharing that.

    I’ll admit I was being selfish in the way I left; however, it truly wasn’t my intention. I did ask my partner to move with me and she declined. The problem is I wasn’t really listening to her. She was insinuating that she’d need more time and we’d need to make arrangements, and I just assumed she didn’t want to come. It’s a shame that it happened in the way it did. I’ll always regret that. I’m incredibly lucky that she has accepted my apologies and we’re able to move forward with our futures together. 🙂

    I’m truly glad you’re able to talk about these subjects with those close to you. It seems to me, just based on the sample size of the comments in this article, that you might be in the minority there. I’m obviously a fan of being open and sharing things in the name of helping others and improving our lives. Unfortunately, there are people in my personal life that use this information against me, and so I must cease these types of communications with these people. But I say more power to you if you can discuss money, sex, politics, religion and other hot-button topics with those around you. Those are wonderful relationships that should be cherished. And I can obviously discuss these topics with Claudia with no issues whatsoever. Just not with some members of my family.

    Thanks for stopping by. Appreciate the support very much.

    Best wishes!

  154. DP,

    Don’t worry, my friend. I don’t plan to change anything at all with the blog or what I share here. Everything will remain the same. 🙂

    I’ll just approach a more “stealth wealth” approach when it comes to my family. They already know of where I’m at now, but they won’t know where I go from here.

    Thank you for the warm congrats there. I’m very, very happy that things worked out. I’m a lucky guy!

    Best wishes.

  155. DM,

    Great post! You had me up until you started with all of this Ann Arbor talk. After all, you are talking to a Buckeye here. This will be a great Big Game this year without Braxton Miller. Who really knows how both teams’ seasons will unfold. I’ll get to the point though, because I could talk for hours about this!

    I am with you, I am an optimist. There are learning experiences from everything in life and in my opinion each situation has a chance to turn out positively until I am proven otherwise. No matter how many times the same situatino has unfolded in a negative manner. Life is just too short to be always thinking with a glass half empty approach, so it takes a lot for me to give up hope.

    Your article made me reflect on my family and I have dealt with a lot of resentment from family throughout my life. My family went through some unfortunate circumstances when I was growing up; however, since we had some extra cash we were loked down upon by others who were not as fortunate. As I grew up, I became more and more aware of this resentment and it has utiamtely pushed me further away from those individuals in my family. It sucks and I miss spending the time with them, but I had to separate myself in order for me to continue to grow and pursue my goal of financial independence. They know I am always there to help with advice, but I can no longer continue to spend all of my time trying to help when I know the end result will never change and the resentment will never leave the air.

    I guess the only piece of advice I would make sure to share is make sure those that are close to you always know the olive branch is extended. Just make sure to keep te branch a little farther away.

    Thanks agian for your article, itwas very well written

  156. Lanny,

    Haha! Ohio definitely didn’t turn me away. Although, I was surprised how it seemed like I-75 was under construction through the entire state. I’ve never seen so much construction in my life! But Cedar Point is always a blast. I came back just in time to make that trip, so it was funny to be in Ohio twice in just a few days.

    Thanks for the support. There was definitely a lot of drama lately, which is really strange for me. I’m not used to drama at all. I’ve lived a very quiet drama-free life over the last five years. So coming back and having all this drama has been a real shock to my system. But I guess I should have seen this coming. Always drama with family, right? 🙂

    Anyway, I’m super glad that Claudia accepted my apologies and took me back. She’s by far my better half. And I’m looking forward to living a drama-free life once again. I like our easy, quiet life!

    I think you’re making the right call there not really bringing this stuff up with family. I actually don’t bring it up all that often myself. It’s usually only in response to a question or comment that it comes up. But no more. I’ll be completely abstaining from any monetary discussions with most of the people I know from here on out.

    And those are some great points there in regards to frugal vs. cheap. I think it really just comes down to valuing purchases appropriately. I’ve probably crossed over into cheap a few times myself, as a ramen noodle diet was probably sacrificing my health in the name of saving money. But most of my journey has been about spending money conscientiously and valuing purchases. It’s simply about not being wasteful. I aim to be thoughtful with the way I spend and save money.

    Thanks for stopping by! Appreciate it, as always. 🙂

    Cheers!

  157. DD,

    That’s unfortunate that you’ve experienced something pretty similar there. It sounds like you made the best choice for your situation. In the end, you have a responsibility to yourself to be happy and do what’s best for yourself. It’s wonderful if you can share that with family members, but sometimes it’s just not possible in the ways we would like.

    But I’m definitely an optimist. And I’m so glad that this experience had a happy ending. In that regard, I’m actually glad it all happened. It made me realize what family means, when I was actually being selfish, who supports me the most, and where my love lies. Luckily, Claudia accepts me for my faults and sees the good in me. 🙂

    Thanks for the support. I really appreciate it. I do hope that you eventually find some of those relationships on better footing.

    Best wishes.

  158. Wow, great post! I think there will always be resentment in life. But that’s life. And maybe, that’s something out of control. We can only control how we act to things. So there’s no point in looking at the past, only going forward. We can control what we will do going forward, at least I like to think so.

    Thanks for the great post, cheers.

  159. Henry,

    Absolutely. We can’t really control what others will think of us and our decisions. All we can really do is focus on what makes us happy and chase after our dreams. 🙂

    I’m an optimist, and so I believe this will serve as a valuable lesson learned for the rest of my life. I’m glad it happened. Now I know what it feels like and who truly supports everything I’m doing.

    Glad you enjoyed the post!

    Take care.

  160. Your success has inspired me. I never did have a plan in life bug for the first time in my life I have one. I started investing five months ago and I have been able to store 12 k away. Like you, I am a dgi. Though my plan is much different.

    Enjoy life at its fullest. I just realized I can do whatever I want. I do not have to do what others expect of me.

    1. Pay off student loan debt while investing
    2. At age 25 start saving for a house (4 years).
    3. Pay mortgage down with roommates and dividends if I have to.
    4. Buy another house for income reasons. Rinse and repeat.

    I feel like being frugal is a game, one I very much am going to enjoy winning.

  161. Jeremy,

    Terribly sorry your comment somehow ended up in the spam folder! I removed it, so that shouldn’t happen ever again.

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts there. I agree with you that it takes time for people’s perceptions to change for the better. And maybe those perceptions will never change. I’m not sure.

    It’s funny because Claudia would always tell me how different I was compared to the rest of my family. She’s from El Salvador and has lived all over the world. And she always found it strange but wonderful that I came into these ways and beliefs that are so different from everyone else in my family that she’s met. It sounds like we have lived very similar lives in that regard.

    I do hope you’re right and that openness breaks down barriers over time. I can’t really control that, but I’ll continue to do what I do best. 🙂

    Thanks for stopping by! Keep up the great work over there. And keep having fun at it!

    Best wishes.

  162. Jason,
    This is why your blog is the best around! It’s so easy to talk the talk, but very different to walk the walk. FI and investing is not just about selecting the right stocks and sitting back. It’s about navigating the challenges of life, and overcoming (oftentimes treacherous) obstacles. It’s about finding solutions and making the best of difficult situations.

    I truly appreciate this post because it highlights the personal challenges of personal finance, money, and walking the walk. Stay positive! Great news about your GF and her son considering the move to MI.

    Thought this was one of the most interesting posts you have written. Way to turn a challenge into a positive outlook and pure knowledge for those reading!

    Sincerely,
    Ian

  163. Holy Moly. I saw this post last night or early this morning and it had 59 comments. I wanted to leave a comment but didn’t have time till tonight when there are 169 comments! I haven’t read through the rest so this may have been repeated:

    From your post (thanks for sharing b the w) I can only assume your family doesn’t read your blog? It spells it out right here how you earned, saved, lived inexpensively, and bought dividend stocks to generate income. Something that anyone can or could do if they set their mind to it. It also states the anguish on the journey, it wasn’t all fun in games and everything falling into place from luck, it took hard work and it still does.

    Hope your future continues to be bright.

  164. DM,

    I wonder how much your family that didn’t fully support you (or were jealous as I perceived it) read about your journey? I feel like as much as I try to be happy for some peoples success, there are some people who seem to be handed everything, and I try not to have resentful feelings towards them for succeeding in life, but it’s hard sometimes… To me I think that if I knew how much they worked at things perhaps I would just think they deserved all the good fortune that they were living, but unfortunately I don’t see that half since I don’t know always know them well enough. All I see is what they share on facebook which is never the struggle, it takes real bloggers to share the struggles along the way.

    Maybe this is kind of how it is for your family that isn’t supporting you. Maybe they just see you as someone who got lucky with a blog and can now just goof around online and be able to support yourself. They probably don’t know the time and effort that you put in writing and working on your blog, building your network without being paid. Perhaps they don’t realize how hard you have worked to stretch you budget so you could invest your money elsewhere to slowly build passive income. If they didn’t follow your story over time then maybe they don’t realize the sacrifice you made to get where you are. I know that all of my immediate family knows of my blog, but I only think there’s one person of the 4 that actually reads it all. While I think they would all support me with anything I do, if they haven’t read about how I’ve focused on this goal for a number of years I could understand why they might be jealous….. Anyways, I’m not sure where I was going with that.

    But that’s great news about your girlfriend, she sounds like a great person who understands you and your situation well. I hope for the best for you two, next summer will come sooner than you think!

    -Zee

  165. Usually people are jealous if someone is doing better than they are. People just are that greedy that they just can’t accept the fact that you have more money in your account, but meanwhile they unnotice the sacrifices that you had to done to get there where you are.

    Ask them one question: how much money they earn per month? And then speak up that you are making around 400 dollars per month – how come you are richer in that sense so you should pay for everything? Your form of employer is just a bit different than theirs and you shouldn’t be punished for it. It’s all about context. 🙂

  166. Hey Jason,

    Lots of experience on this subject. More towards the lending and not getting back and the expecting me to pay for everything when we go out. Needless to say, I have many thousands (over 40) owed to me from family and friends. I will never get it back! I know this. But, they figure I do not need it and that is what I here at social gatherings and such. I made a lot of great decisions early on and worked day and night to get where I am, but the lazy and jealous family members always have a great story and a promise with their life and the lives of their children to pay me back. Needless to say, I never see them again and they avoid me like the plague. I knew this would happen, but I tried to be a good person and help out. Once I am scammed by that person, I write them off and never will they get the benefit of my help again. Hopefully, they got enough the first time.

    Well, I have always told myself it was better that it happened early on and not when I had accumulated extreme wealth through years of saving and hard work. Because I am a sucker for a good story, I no longer collect the rental money from the tenants and I let my wife collect all the business income. When someone calls about a loan, I tell her to handle it because she has seen all of the problems and issues that arise from the past loans and so called “gifts.” Oh, and legal documents for these loans are useless because family members always find a way out. I have liens agains many homes and judgements from small claims, but they quit the jobs and refuse to pay. I should have known better. Just like giving money to a drug addict, I basically did the same thing many times over.

    Needless to say, I no longer go to dinner when asked, or to the movies, or anywhere because I get stuck with the bill. I hate just sitting there and noone grabs the bill or throws up any money, so I grab it and pay. The best one is when they ask you to go and bring people you do not know and when we show up, they say they are short and can I grab the tickets. Not anymore!!!! Well, that does not happen unless I ask someone to go with me and I know I am paying from the get go which is getting less and less frequent. I have learned my lesson.

    Everyone who tells you never lend family and friends money is correct. They will not pay you back and will resent you asking for it. They figure you have it and do not need it. Better you learn this now than after you aquire your retirement nest egg and fall prey to their stories.

    Been following you for a while. Been doing what you are doing for the past 25 years. About 22 years into this, you will be very happy indeed. Keep up the good work.

    One more thing. When I was 17, my plan was to gross $70,000 annually through passive income. I figured I would be able to do what I wanted and when I wanted to do it. However, times have changed and things are much more expensive and kids cost a ton of money- not to mention the wife is an animal lover who takes care of more than her fair share. Well, gross $70,000 should have been thought of as net $70,000. Multiple cars, private schools, dance lessons, vocal lessons, karate and on and on. Either way, I was lucky in many ways- great parents and one really good person in my life. So, I must give my children at least what was given to me. I owe my parents and my children at least that. If I have time when my kids have children, I hope to be able to do for them what my dad did for my kids. The plan has been made for over 25 years, and I see no reason to deviate from the path.

    Well, talk to you later.

    Never let the jealous family members make you feel guilty. They are only trying to get at you and secretly wish they were in your shoes and not in their cement shoes.

    See ya,

    Robert

  167. Thanks for your emotional story! I am so happy for you that you girlfriend with kid is moving up and that the three of you are restarting together! Congratulations.

  168. Congrats on the silver lining! 🙂 Really happy to hear that. Seems like a wonderful, caring person too.

    back when you were moving, I had my doubts about living with family– this was one of the unstated reasons.

    The way I deal with $$$ is not looking prosperous at all– taking public transport etc etc and never giving anyone any finance related advice. “Under the radar”, that’s what I term it.

  169. Dear Jason,

    Thank you for sharing the story of this experience with us. I can certainly relate to the problems of family members’ misunderstandings of one’s own financial circumstances.

    I recently had a very similar experience, which unfortunately left me quite shocked. Thankfully, another much kinder family member helped to comfort me. It is the sad reality that those who are closest to you, those who we value the most, are the ones that can hurt us the most. Thank God we have the support of partners, friends, and other relatives who choose to think before they speak and act in hurtful ways.

    Emotions and money are a powerful combination, and it seems that there are a few of us PF bloggers who have had recent potent experiences. Kapitalust also wrote about emotions and money last week. Sadly for him, his story also involved racism.

    But this is what happens when you are trying to walk the road less travelled. We must expect to come up against obstacles and diversions every so often. It is how we treat these obstacles that is critical. For me, an obstacle is a chance for a pit-stop. I think that is how you also treated the obstacle, after you took a diversion in the direction of a return to Michigan…

    I wish you all the best in your relationships and congratulate you on your imminent reunification with your girlfriend!

    Best Wishes,

    M

  170. That sucks man. Where to draw lines with family can be a difficult thing to figure out. There are people in my family who tried to strike it rich with stocks, lost tons of money, and now have NOTHING but bad to say about me and people like us who are patient and willing to not see a reward now in exchange for a reward in the future.

    The thing that really bugged me was when you said they were asking you to pitch in with more financial weight, as if you could easily afford it, when (though you could TECHNICALLY pay it) you haven’t amassed wealth by luck, a windfall, or some other ill-warranted method. You made sacrifices and kept on the straight and narrow.. You ate the crap noodles for $.25 a cup, you sold the car and got around on 2 gas efficient wheels instead of 4. You worked for that dealership and dealt with the daily grind just the same as everybody else!! You did the due diligence and learned how to evaluate stocks, companies, the market, and so on (this takes time and dedication).

    I mean.. I guess this is a drawn out way to say that I completely understand, as many here do. I know you value family, being close to home, your friends (and best friend) and so on.. I remember reading something where you said you liked the idea of east Asia.

    With a person in your situation, where all you really need is a laptop and internet service to make (and invest) money, why don’t you move about? Vagabond it up. Do it for a month!! Get a sweet travel credit card and allow points and an no-fee int’l card to make it cheap for you. Travel is an easy answer to “fix” yourself when it seems like family and friends just aren’t the right medicine. You’d be amazed how much you could accomplish with a few grand a month in the far east, and a fresh perspective almost always fires up a person’s life.

    Anyway, keep everything up. You’re killing it, you’ve been killing it, and I assume you can and will continue to do so!

  171. Wow, great, well written article! Thanks for writing so openly about your journey. I appreciate the optimism.

  172. Great post Mantra. Thats a lot too deal with. Sounds like a tough upbringing but it forged u into the person u r today. Seems like many people misunderstand you and dont grasp your ideals at all. When people dont understand things they become defensive and dismiss others views. Just be yourself and if they dont like it fuck em! You cant please everyone in life. Just make sure you are happy and good to others. The rest is noise.

    I personally dont talk finances with my family and friends, There is a lot of resentment and jealousy by them. If somebody wants help I will do anything to help them but most people just judge me negatively and continue with their miserable lives being consumer slaves of debt with no plan or strategy in life. Like my wifes sister and husband. They work two crappy jobs and rent a small shack and they cant afford anything. Yet they have student loans, credit card interest, buy a few starbucks runs a day and drink pricey wine/beer drinks almost everyday. When they come over I can smell the jealously and resentment on them and I frankly cant stand being around them. I tried helping them but it fell on deaf ears. Oh well thats life!

  173. Mike,

    That sounds like a fantastic plan there. The great news is that you’re starting so young. I really wish I could go back in time and start that young as well. I’d probably be financially independent already, or close to it.

    And you definitely want to enjoy life along the way. No sense in saving money if you’re just going to be miserable while doing it. 🙂

    You have plenty of time ahead of you. Just stay consistent and keep your eye on the (snow)ball.

    Best wishes!

  174. Ian,

    Thanks for stopping by! Always appreciate your thoughts.

    You’re right. The journey to financial independence is far more than save + invest = FI. The math part is easy. The hard part is everything else. Life can get really complicated, even when we don’t intend for it. We sometimes don’t think of how our decisions will impact others in our lives, and it’s really strange how this journey can change relationships and how others view us.

    I’m incredibly glad I was able to turn a negative situation into a positive conclusion. However, I was really lucky in that regard. It was up to Claudia to support and forgive me. She could have easily have walked away and moved on, making this situation even worse. But love is a bond that is just about impossible to break. And we really do love each other. I’m excited to fly her up in October and give her a tour of the area. We’ll see what she thinks. 🙂

    I’m really glad that you enjoyed this post. I wanted to highlight my recent struggles because I know I’m not the only one out there facing such a situation. I honestly never thought I’d encounter this myself, but I’m glad I did. I know what it feels like and I know how to avoid it in the future. And I also know who truly supports me!

    Hope all is well for you over there.

    Best regards!

  175. ed69,

    Thanks for taking the time to comment. I’m glad this theme I have doesn’t just cut off comments after a certain number or something crazy. 🙂

    My family doesn’t read my blog. Well, I should say most of my family doesn’t read. My best friend reads. And I understand my one brother-in-law may read from time to time. But that’s about it. Although, my family shouldn’t have their heads in the sand. They should know what led to this point. But most of my family understands where I’m coming from and supports me to varying degrees. You’ll always have sour grapes in the bunch.

    I appreciate the kind words there. It’s amazing to me that society doesn’t understand how this journey requires MORE hard work and MORE sacrifice than a a traditional lifestyle where you earn-spend-earn, but society is full of lemmings that are programmed to believe in whatever the TV tells them. It’s a shame, but I suppose that just makes the reward for those of us that fight for our freedom that much rarer and sweeter. 🙂

    Cheers!

  176. Zee,

    Thanks for the perspective there.

    I think you make some great points. It’s certainly possible that they don’t understand how much hard work I’ve put in. But I suppose that ignorance is probably at least partly to blame as well. How can most of my family understand all I’ve done to get to where I’m at and a few people not? I don’t mean to say that those in question are ignorant, but maybe they choose to be ignorant of the situation. Maybe it’s easier to be resentful? After all, if someone who is living a life that you maybe think is better than your own all of the sudden comes into town it’s probably easier to turn a cheek and complain about them then it is to cheer them on, even if you’re aware of all they did to get there.

    I honestly don’t know. It’s a funny and strange situation. Most of my family doesn’t read my blog. But this has obviously opened up a rift of sorts in my family, and many have shared their confusion. They don’t understand how certain people aren’t aware of all I did to get to this position. After all, it’s not like I haven’t discussed any of this with family members over the last 4+ years. I don’t talk about this often, but when asked I do explain what I’ve been up to. And that’s been not to brag, but to try to inspire those closest to me. But it looks like it had unintended results.

    Resentment is strange, though. I don’t know why it affects some and not others. Is it in the way certain people perceive a situation? Is it ignorance? Is it a lack of understanding? A lack of communication? Jealousy?

    I don’t know if we’ll ever know. But I will choose to take my own advice and refrain from discussing financial topics around my entire family from now on. It’s unfortunate, but it seems like it may be possible to avoid this in the future. We’ll see how it goes. 🙂

    Best wishes!

  177. Tauri,

    I agree. Jealousy is at least partly to blame here. I’m not sure how deep that goes, but I can see how others might be jealous of my success. It’s a shame it’s like that because they should know all the hard work and sacrifices that goes into this journey. And I’m not even close to finished yet. I can’t even imagine how they’ll feel when I am!

    I could go in and explain all that, but I don’t know if it would make a difference. They still see money as something that can be shared and spent. They don’t see the benefits of time and freedom that it can buy. Although this is all basics to those of us seeking financial independence, most people are oblivious to all of this. I’ve done my best to share and inspire with those in my personal life, but much of it is to no avail. At least I can claim some real success with writing and sharing with those out there that want to change. You can’t change unless you really want to, and I also think that they won’t understand unless they want to.

    Thanks for stopping by!

    Best regards.

  178. Robert,

    Thanks for the great advice.

    I’m sorry that you’ve had such a rotten experience with lending to loved ones. I honestly don’t think I ever want to be in that position, and thus will probably never lend money to family. A gift is one thing, but lending money is quite another. I think lending would just invite even more resentment, which could complicate relationships and possibly ruin them. It’s strange how money changes people and their perceptions of other people. I know I’ve changed my world view quite a bit in the last five years, but I’m still the same me deep down inside. It just seems like certain people don’t see that anymore, which is a real shame.

    I hear what you’re saying about feeling guilty. I had plenty of time on my drive halfway to Florida to think about how I feel and what I’ve done. And luckily, I had Claudia to talk to over the phone. And after all of it I don’t feel guilty at all. It’s a shame that others resent me, but I simply don’t feel shameful or guilty about that. I am me and I am happy. If others can’t support that then they probably have their own feelings to sort through.

    Congratulations on all of your success. It sounds like you worked very hard to get to where you’re now at. It’s a shame that your position has somewhat isolated you, but I see now that there is little that can sometimes be done about that. The good news is that you have people in your life that you can lean on and who support what you’ve done. Some people see it; some don’t. All we can do is be true to ourselves.

    Cheers.

  179. Sensim,

    Thank you!

    It’s a pleasure to share if others got some value out of it. I didn’t plan on writing a post like this, but I learned valuable lessons.

    I’m really glad that she’s moving up as well. She was there for me when I had nothing, so it’ll be wonderful to finish the journey together.

    Take care!

  180. austereseeker,

    You learned your lesson on being stealthy long before I did! 🙂

    Sounds like you’ve got a good grip on the limits of sharing information and avoiding resentment. It’s a shame we have to be stealthy about this stuff, but so be it. Flying under the radar is a great idea. It simply avoids potential problems, which is a good thing.

    Thanks for the kind words. She is indeed a wonderful and caring person. She’s my far better half!

    Cheers.

  181. M,

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I’m saddened to read that you also had a similar experience. Shocking is a good word for it. Although, I’m glad you have other loved ones to comfort and support you. It’s a shame that those closest to us sometimes use that closeness against us. But all we can do is stay true to our beliefs. To let others change us would be the biggest shame of all.

    I know what you mean there about the road less traveled. I guess I had been lucky for the most part, as I had experienced few obstacles along the way. It was a rather joyous skip toward financial independence, before hitting a pothole recently. But this really shouldn’t be a surprise considering how misunderstood and abnormal this journey really is. Although we’ve long come around to it, others haven’t.

    But all we can do is lean on those that support and understand us. And we can’t give up!

    I’m extremely lucky that I’m part of this great community of like-minded savers, investors, and freedom fighters. It makes it a lot easier to keep marching toward financial independence, ignoring those that don’t understand and/or support me. And I’m also lucky that I have a really supportive partner who was there from the beginning.

    I hope your journey has few potholes in store for you and your march continues forward with much success!

    Best regards.

  182. Penguin,

    Thanks for the support.

    It is indeed tough to accept that certain people in my life don’t really understand all the hard work and sacrifices I put in to get to where I’m at. I don’t know if I’ll ever really understand their position, but I must keep doing what I’ve been doing. Worrying about them and their perspective is really just something that takes away focus from what I’m trying to accomplish. They’ll come around or they won’t. Either way, I’ll be happy. 🙂

    Traveling is something I’d LOVE to do at some point. And if Claudia didn’t accept my endless apologies I’d probably pack up and try that out for a while. But now that I have my partner back in my life I can’t up and take off like that. However, the good news is that Claudia loves travel too. She’s actually been all over the world (which I’m jealous of). She still has a child in school, so it’s not possible right now. But I can definitely see us traveling on a more long-term basis in another 5-10 years. We’ve discussed the possibilities and she’s quite excited by the idea. We just have to get in a position where we’re financially okay and then target areas that are affordable. But I think it’s doable once the Freedom Fund is really rocking along. And if I’m able to keep writing then that just further allows for flexibility. We’ll have to consider the finances for two, which complicates matters. But I think we can get pretty creative and make it work. I’m excited by the prospects. 🙂

    We’ll see what happens. But I would love to show the power of financial independence on the other side with travel and what not.

    Cheers!

  183. Dustin,

    Thank you. I’m extremely glad that there was a happy ending to all of this. I told my girlfriend that if she decided to walk away then this post would have been a real bummer. She laughed. 🙂

    Take care!

  184. Carrie,

    I’m glad to share. I just hope you readers found some value out of my experience. Resentment isn’t a topic I planned to tackle firsthand, but I’m glad I did. I now know how to deal with it in the future and I’m fairly confident I should be able to avoid it moving forward.

    Cheers!

  185. A-G,

    That’s life, indeed. It’s a shame that others can’t see the beauty in all of this, but what else can we do?

    I agree with you. The best we can do is be happy and not worry about what others think. To worry about them and their perception would take away energy and focus on our own lives. And before you know it you’re being dragged down with them. Misery loves company, but I won’t be party to it.

    Sorry to hear that you’ve also experienced this as well. I’ve learned through these interactions that this is far more common than I thought it was. However, I’m glad that there are many of us out there fighting for our freedom anyway, unwilling to let jealousy and resentment block us from our goals. It takes a strong will to get to where we’re going, but it’s even more impressive when you realize how many of us have people hanging from our ankles, trying to bring us down.

    Keep fighting the good fight. 🙂

    Best regards.

  186. Alex,

    I’ve never taken a look at PKX, so it’s hard for me to give any commentary on it.

    I’ve looked at PBR to varying degrees in the past. But I just think it’s too risky for me to own assets in a country like that. I’d rather stick to investing in companies domiciled in countries where I’m 100% confident there won’t be some kind of government takeover or other corruption. I’m talking USA, UK, Canada, and a few Northern Europe countries. I just prefer to not invest in companies domiciled in other countries where there is any risk of that.

    Cheers!

  187. Funny thing is i love to talk about PF. The more you talk about it and get different perspectives the more you learn. But there are some people that get all skeeved out the minute you bring up money (even in roundabout terms). You nailed it on the head with the word “taboo”. I really wish i would have had others to talk to about this in my early working years because it would have saved me me many problems. I had to barrel through, make mistakes and then figure it out.

    I wonder if the reason more schools don’t touch on PF is because it inevitably goes towards the “need vs want” and value systems of people. One can teach the numbers and general advice but it doesn’t really hit home until its “your” money that you have to make a personal choice on where you want to spend it. Sort of like describing the workings of a power tool without ever letting the person use it (bad analogy but you know what i mean).

  188. Hi Jason,

    Resentment/envy is the hardest thing at times to deal with and only gets worse as time goes by unfortunately, I’m now 12 years along the road of FI and have only the most thin contact with family/friends/co workers from the time I left the sheep pen all those years ago.

    I’m probably the poorest FI person who comments on here and live off 250 USD per month, BUT because I’ve left the high debt mortgage rat race and own my own time I’m viewed as rich and should treat/pay for everyone. Also mate, when you achieve FI it makes others look at their own lives and in most cases they dont like what they see!!

    Keep up the good work and never let the bastards grind you down 🙂

    Cheers,

    Dave…

  189. This is a brave post to write and I commend you for doing it. Most blogs are all flower and roses and make you believe everything is great, but people(even friends and family) have a very strange way of acting when one of their own tries to live a certain lifestyle that perhaps their envious about. Writing this post let’s me know this blog is about real life with it’s highs and lows which I really appreciate.

  190. Rich vs poor is in the eye of the beholder. I don’t like those words, never have. I didnt realize you were living on THAT little! That’s amazing and as long as you are happy it is a shame others in your life haven’t accepted it. If you were in my family I would applaud your decisions and you could crash anytime (no mooching though, that gets old fast hehe). How do you get by on that little i’m just curious? I can’t even imagine how to frame that in my head. Cheers.

  191. Great story you wrote here, and it seems like it took a lot of courage on your part to go through with writing this. This is one of the primary reasons why I’ve decided to blog anonymously so far, as we all get jealous from time to time even though we may not like to admit it. Instead of asking questions or looking for advice, sometimes we take it out on that person instead because we don’t fully understand.

    I’m glad to hear that things worked out for you in the end, and maybe some of those family members and friends will start to come around when they start to see you more often now that you are in Michigan. It’s great that your girlfriend has been so supportive of you and will be joining you back in Michigan too!

  192. Zol,

    I’m with you. I also wish I would have had more exposure to personal finance as a young man. I don’t blame anyone for my some of my early bad financial decisions, but I do wonder if I would have still made them had I learned more about money when I was young. It’s a shame that we as a country do not take personal finance more seriously.

    I’m not quite sure why schools don’t delve into a bit more. Maybe they think it’s the parents’ responsibility. I’m not real sure. But maybe this will change one day. One can hope! 🙂

    Take care.

  193. Dave,

    The sheep pen. I hear that!

    I’m really inspired by the fact that you’re able to live off so little. That’s so fantastic!

    It’s a shame that more people in our personal lives can’t be proud of this journey and all the hard work and sacrifices that go into it. But such is life. I’ll lean on the support of those that “get it” and avoid those that don’t. In the meanwhile, I’ll continue to aggressively pursue financial independence and the time/freedom it comes with. 🙂

    Keep up the great work over there! Really impressive stuff.

    Cheers.

  194. KT,

    It’s unfortunately not all flowers and roses. I wish it was. But financial independence is pursued and (hopefully) attained in the real world, which comes with real world ups and downs.

    Appreciate the compliments. I’m glad I could bring this issue to light. I know it’s something that many of us will face. But I’m confident that a few little adjustments can probably avoid most of the problems. If those around you don’t really know how well off you are there’s nothing to resent. 🙂

    Thanks for stopping by!

    Take care.

  195. Debt Hater,

    I don’t blame you for blogging anonymously. Being open about all of this comes with its own set of benefits and drawbacks. But I like revealing everything behind the curtain. There’s a face behind all the numbers, and that face is me. 🙂

    Of course, there are also feelings behind the face. And those feelings get hurt when those we care about don’t support what we’re doing. But you make a great point in that those around me may understand a bit more if I’m up here. We’ll see!

    Congrats on your debt progress thus far. Looks like you’re really knocking it out of the park over there with debt payoff!

    Cheers.

  196. Hi Jason,

    First I’d like to say thanks for sharing this. I’ve been there too when I was younger. I had a great paying job leaving me with a lot of free time. But people around me (parents, family), were constantly treating me like a lazy cheap guy because I was making the same salary in 2-3 days of work that they were doing in five. They were coming back from work to find me relaxing in front of my favorite tv show or listening to music or reading and they were mad. Even though I had made a lot of things in the house (cleaning, mowing the lawn, preparing dinner etc…) they felt I was just a lazy guy profiting from them because I was only paying my share every month… They thought that I should have worked more and shared my money with them instead of enjoying 3-4 days off per week…

    I think they were jealous… they would have loved to be in my position but they couldn’t so they were agressive with me…

    Under their pressure, I eventually quit that job to work full time somewhere else for the same wage… I was now occupied 5 days per week but not earning more… how stupid was that?! But now everybody was happy and fine with me. I was finally “doing something” with my life… even though I was sad. I shouldn’t have listened to them but that was a good lesson to learn. Most people are jealous of the success of others. They say that they are happy for you but they are not.

    People like that, friends, colleagues or even family don’t have a place in my life anymore. Like you, I’m helping those who ask and seem really interested but I’m not trying with those who don’t. Most people don’t understand the true value of TIME. They think that keeping themselves busy with stupid jobs makes them good people. They think that they have succeeded in life. And when they see you with all the time in the world, I think they realize they are wrong… and that’s what makes them mad. They are stuck in the rat race… they are trying to convince themselves that being in the rat race is the real success while we believe that getting out of it as fast as possible is the right yardstick to use to measure success.

    I’m now trying to stay away from these people or from conversations about that subject with people that don’t understand the true value of time… It’s time lost to try to argue with them… and my time is too precious 🙂

    I’m still far from being free but things are getting better everyday and I don’t need the negative comments from people telling me that what I want is not gonna work, that my goal (retire at 45) is stupid and impossible. Saving a lot of money to buy freedom is not being cheap, it’s being wise. After all, freedom is the most expensive luxury in the world!!! And I want to offer that luxury to myself before I die! Live free or die… It’s a fight that I can’t afford to lose.

    On another subject, I’m glad that you are back with your girlfriend. I remember to have told you in may or june that I thought that love is what’s most important in the end. I guess you realized it. People that love you, accept you like you are, cheers you and help you reach your dreams can be counted on the fingers of one hand. They are valuable and we have to treasure them.

    Finally, I want to say that you made me remember that when I use to work 2-3 days per week, I had a lot of free time. But since those 2-3 days of work were during the week ends, I usually ended up spending most of my free time alone… I’m someone who likes to be alone but I remember that I felt lonely at some point… people had their life and not a lot of time to spend with me… That’s why I’d like to have my girlfriend follow the same path I do. At least there would be the two of us :). We could also, ten years from now, create a dividend growth retired club and meet each others once in a while lol

    Have a nice day Jason and stay focussed! What you’re doing is great. You are realizing your dreams and it’s normal that those who don’t might feel jealous about it…

  197. This admission must have taken guts to write especially when your entire family and old friends from Michigan can read your blog at anytime if they wish. Thanks for being honest. I suppose that’s the good and bad thing about being open on your blog. My heart goes out to you and hopefully those who resent you will come around and mature.

    I think its wonderful that you and your girlfriend are talking things out. However your loved ones shouldn’t resent you because you worked at a job you hated for years. You made choices to get you to where you are like eating a lot of ramen and driving/riding a scooter. You made many hard choices. I suppose its much easier for *some* people to be snarky than to actually get out there and learn to live within their income, work at a decent job, etc.

    Keep going Jason, surround yourself with those who support you, don’t give up, keep blogging, and never ever give up.

    If you live like no one else then later you will live like no one else-Dave Ramsey

  198. I guess some people think you just fell on top of the mountain. they need to know it took some sore time to get there im happy to read you be united again with her

  199. Allan,

    Thanks for stopping by and taking the time to share your thoughts!

    You make some great points across the board.

    First, I’m sorry to hear you caved in and left an enjoyable and well-paying job that offered you a lot of spare time. That’s a real shame. I feel like we just can’t give in to people around us that don’t really support or understand our vision. I’m glad to hear that you’ve realized that these people will do you more harm than good and have created some distance.

    I couldn’t agree with you more that most people do unfortunately buy into the rat race. They measure success by how much money they make, the size of their house, and whether or not they have the corner office. I sometimes forget about this as I’m so deep into my own journey of escaping the rate race and I’ve been beating this drum for years now. I’ve lived far apart from my family for years now and I’ve changed quite a bit. So I shouldn’t have been surprised that things weren’t as they once were. Most of my family is just living such different lifestyles than what I am. I’ve always believed in the motto of “live and let live”. I have never forced my ideas on anyone else or tried to make anyone think they’re somehow lessor than me if they didn’t save and invest their money. I say do whatever makes you happy. And it’s exactly because of my nonchalant attitude toward others that I was so shocked to receive such aggressive responses in regards to my success. It’s just a shame.

    But we can’t worry about these people and their jealousy. We can only live in the way that makes us most happy and continue fighting for freedom. Because life is way too short to not be free. Time is all we have. Without time we have nothing. Perhaps you’re right and those around me have realized what I’ve attained and are frustrated with their own lack of success or progress. I don’t really know. Frankly, I don’t really care. I’ll continue doing everything in my power to create a better life for myself and inspire others out there to do the same. 🙂

    Thanks so much for the support and encouragement. It sounds like you’re making incredible progress over there with your journey. Keep up the great work. You’ll be free before you know it. And then those around you will REALLY have something to be jealous of! 🙂

    Best wishes.

  200. Jason,

    I guess I should have read this post prior to the other one where I asked if you have influenced others in your personal life (I have been behind on my blog reading). My curiosity is killing me…did you get a response from writing this post from the person you are clearly aiming it at? One of many reasons I try to keep anonymous as possible.

  201. Lila,

    Thanks for stopping by!

    It’s indeed tough to write about all this. And my family and friends can read all of this anytime they want. Though, based on recent events I highly doubt the people in question have ever even seen my blog. Of course, no names have been used, just in case. 🙂

    We all have to make incredibly tough decisions and work very, very hard to reach financial independence. And it’s a shame that others don’t see it. They simply equate a job with production, so if you’re not working then you’re not a productive member of society. So they’ve kind of fallen into that mental trap that keeps them enslaved. It goes back to Plato’s allegory. Those who are complacent with slavery will always remain enslaved.

    Thank you for the kind support. I’m also really glad that my girlfriend accepted my profuse apologies. She’s a wonderfully supportive partner. I hope at some point to actually write about her and maybe have her stop by to give her perspective on what it’s like to be with someone who’s frugal and everything else. Having a supportive partner is really imperative to one’s success with this journey.

    I love that Ramsey quote. How apt it is to those of us who are on this path to financial independence. A little sacrifice now pays big dividends (literally and figuratively) later. 🙂

    I hope all is well with your journey. Thanks again for stopping by.

    Best wishes.

  202. que willey,

    I think jealously unfortunately transcends logic. Many people in my personal life know how hard I worked in the auto industry for years on end, my sacrifices, my car-free life, and some of the other decisions I’ve made. But they choose to resent me anyhow. Such is life.

    Thank you for the kind words in regards to my girlfriend. I’m very fortunate that she decided to forgive me for some mistakes I’ve made in the past. 🙂

    I hope all is well with your journey!!

    Take care.

  203. Evan,

    No problem. I get behind in my reading as well sometimes. Tough to keep up from time to time. 🙂

    I haven’t received a response from those this was aimed at…and I don’t really expect to either. They have no interest in my lifestyle or my blog. Which is fine, really. I never expected them to read it or participate. I just expected some support on a basic family level where there’s love and mutual respect. But I guess that was too much to ask for. Funny how money can change people.

    I can’t blame you for blogging anonymously. There are many benefits to doing this openly, and I love putting a face to it all. I enjoy inspiring others out there with my personal ups and downs. However, there are certainly drawbacks to it as well…which I pointed out here. It is what it is. I guess I’ll take the good with the bad. 🙂

    Cheers!

  204. A lot of the comments have been along the lines that the other person must not have realized how hard you worked to accumulate what you have, but I would say there’s another possibility that they do realize and that makes them uncomfortable (obviously just speculation not knowing the details of the person or the interaction). While most people will tell you how much they respect hard work in theory – in practice its not as clear cut.

    Kids in school will resent the over-achiever, as much or more so than the smart slacker who does well without trying. There’s something about seeing another person with greater discipline/effort than yourself that makes a lot of people uncomfortable. When some one is naturally smart/talented/athletic etc. there achievement is less of a threat to average Joe, because he has the excuse that even if he tried he could never achieve what they do because he lacks their natural gifts. The over-achiever of average talent eliminates their excuse, makes them feel uncomfortable/guilty about their own lack of discipline/effort, and they take their hostility out on the person who made it obvious to them. They may not really care enough to better themselves, but they’d sure prefer see you stay at their level as well.

    Discipline is a hard thing for a lot of people, and from what I’ve read you seem to have plenty of it – its possible they were as jealous of that as much as the portfolio.

    Thanks for sharing the story and the discussion

  205. Is it possible your family gave you honest feedback, and that feedback wasn’t something you wanted to hear?

    Over the years I’ve learned you are very fortunate if have people who care about you enough to give you brutally honest feedback and not just say things you want to hear.

    I wish you the best and hope there won’t be a divide between you and members of your family. I also wish you luck as you start the next phase.

    No reply is necessary, I would hope you reflect on that question…keeping emotions out if the thought process.

  206. Jason,
    Thank you for sharing your experiences. I have been reading yours posts since I came upon DM while researching GE about two months ago and enjoy your passion and enthusiasm! I share the same ideology of your goals as I am not a government or pensioned employee, so going to have to depend on my own retirement. Recently bought 75 shares of Sea World (SEAS) as I am an also an opportunistic dividend investor occasionally because of the long investing time horizon available to my goals. Due to the fact SEAS tanked 35% in one day and the yield increased to roughly 4.44%, it was a buy in my book. I understand this may be an unpopular buy with many, however it is 95% institutionally owned, compared to less than 12% for BP according to the research vehicles I have available.

    Cheers from Napa Valley,
    Josh L

    Disclosure: Friends and Family are OK, and own GE & SEAS mentioned in this post.

  207. Hi Jason — you’re very brave to share this experience and I always appreciate your optimistic outlook on life. Wish more people would have the ability to see the silver lining…

    I’m glad that things are looking up for you and your girlfriend.

    Take care!
    FerdiS

    BTW, I’ve expanded my blogroll into a separate page. You’ve always inspired me with your blog — and ideas stimulate new ideas — check it out: http://divgro.blogspot.com/p/blogroll.html

  208. I have been following and enjoying your blog for a while now. This article on resentment really resonated with me. I was able to retire at 52, although by means other than dividend investing, namely a defined benefit pension and paying off the limited debt I did have before retirement. Thirty years of heavy pension contributions and a moderate and balanced lifestyle equaled freedom. I too have experienced resentment from others, not in really big ways though. I sensed the resentment mainly in snide comments about my being able to retire when I did when everyone else will have to work to 65 and beyond. I don’t make a big deal about it but have learned that one can’t control what others think. I just need to be thankful for my good fortune, try to be myself, not let it get to me, and treat others fairly. Keep up the great work!

  209. My motto is there will always be someone better educated, someone with better looks, someone healthier, someone with a better employer, and someone wealthier than me. I can’t be worried about those who don’t want me to succeed, because they will always be there, and I won’t rub my success in someone else’s face. I try to live my life as a good person, and that’s good enough for me.

  210. I have been reading your blog for the last year or so, and, at first found it interesting. I have always thought that you shared too much personal information and that your comments regarding work were not the way many people thought of work. I read your blog to pick up on stock picks, but this last post by you is just too personal. How your family responds to you is not any of my business and I am sure their side of the story is different than yours. Good luck to you, but I suggest you stick to stock picking and not post so much personal information.

  211. You know what DM being anonymous is an easy thing to do and that is why I applaud your openness. Most people have dealt with or have experienced some form of resentment in their life be it with family or friends but how we deal with it… that is the question? Stay focused on you journey….that is the answer.

  212. Wow this generated a lot of comments, too many to read through. So hopefully I’m not repeating a comment. You wrote some very good points. I picked this one out even though I could have used a few others you made :

    “Money is required to have time, but those with little or no money sometimes resent those people with it. And instead of equating money to time, they equate money only to money, and what it can buy.”

    I find that your small comment shows really what is wrong with a lot of the thinking these days on a much larger scale. There are groups who push “wealth re-distribution”. IMO its mostly for the same reason you state above, mostly simple resentment and jealousy. The sad thing is you sacrificed quite a bit to be were you are today. The people who call for wealth re-distribution are the same type of people you are referring to in your line above. They are not prepared to make the same sacrifices. Better to stamp your feet say it’s not fair, and resent those that work or save and invest their very hard earned money over a lifetime. Some people resent success? Why? It’s such a crazy way of thinking.

    There was a story on the radio I heard about a guy who literally slept in his truck down and out. He picked himself up after a night where he realized he either makes a change or dies. He started selling used sports wear and equipment from his old truck. He grew year by year and made this into a successful business over a 5 year period of time. His story had some parallels to yours, resentment, jealousy, being labeled as a 1%’er and worse. He had to replace all his friends. That was tough on him. You can never replace family, that’s pretty tough. So you have to live with that part.

    People don’t get it. They get upset for the wrong reasons, they should be proud of your achievements and look to them as their own blueprint to success.

  213. Oh wow, thanks for sharing your experience. I’ve never experience resentment like that from my families. It would be devastating to me. I’m glad it turns out well, though. It’s great to hear things are going well with your girlfriend. Also, I don’t live near my families so I think that has a lot to do with it. Visiting once in a while is better for us.
    Best wishes.

  214. Stay strong dude! Quite a post – full of twists. I can empathize – we also have some family that is in a not so great financial situation, who we’ve tried to help where we can, but I can’t help but feel judgement or almost guilt at some of the things we do and choices we make.

    It’s really sad, because it is really not that HARD mathematically to dominate personal finances, just that pesky behavior and bad habits that tend to interfere.

    Thanks for being open and honest about your experiences – both good and bad. I think it definitely helps everyone realize being/thinking different is rough at times.

    Kevin

  215. It happens and you handled it well Mantra. My mother-in-law makes endless comments about my frugality. I am the coupon-minded one who prefers generics over brand name (when quality is the same). Wait until you have kids and then it will transfer over to that. Needless to say things got so bad my wife and I no longer speak to her mother. That is true love and I love my wife dearly.

  216. pacer45,

    Wow. I didn’t think of it like that at all. Maybe I’ve had the wrong perspective all along?

    That’s a very interesting thought. I guess it’s impossible to know exactly where all of these feelings come from without the respective parties acknowledging the situation and agreeing to sit down and talk about it. And with the way things went the last go around I honestly have no interest in it myself. And I doubt they do either. I mean I’d like to know once and for all what the problem is, but I’m not really interested in appeasing anyone either. So I don’t know. Time will tell how it works out.

    But I think you may have a point there. And it just might be a combination of everything. Drive, finances, success, and doing what I want. It might be a little of it all. It’s sad because I don’t flaunt my lifestyle or anything I’m doing. If anything, I simply try to inspire those close to me by my actions.

    It seems that a lot of people in our community deal with this on some level. All we can do is continue to do what makes us happy and keep fighting for our freedom. Those who support what we’re doing will come to the forefront, and it’s those relationships that I think we must ultimately cultivate most.

    Thanks for stopping by and sharing that interesting perspective!

    Cheers.

  217. James,

    Hmm, I suppose that’s possible. I guess it really depends on your perspective. I view it as not my responsibility to give handouts or pay for more than my fair share on a regular basis. Now, I don’t mind taking family out to dinner on occasion. And I’ve done so regularly since I’ve been up here. But to just give out cash just because I’m related to someone, in my opinion, is the wrong way to go about it. and I learned that firsthand with my own mother.

    But I think there’s room for discussion there. Some people might view it as one’s responsibility to their family to give to those less fortunate, even though the actual cash flow doesn’t really support that model. And maybe that’s where I ultimately disagree with certain people in my life. I guess it just comes down to what’s selfish, what’s fair, and how much one should share. I have my viewpoint, but others are certainly entitled to their own.

    Thanks for stopping by!

    Take care.

  218. Josh,

    Thanks for the your readership! 🙂

    I’ll have to take a look at SEAS. I honestly have never come across it before or even thought about the stock. Interesting investment. I do hope it works out for the best for you!

    Cheers.

  219. FerdiS,

    Thanks for the mention in the blogroll and the description. I think it’s apt. 🙂

    And thank you for your support and appreciation. I have endless optimism about life and all the possibilities. Life is way too short and precious to walk around grumpy and pessimistic all the time!

    I hope all is well over there. Keep up the great work!

    Best regards.

  220. Carl,

    First, congrats on your success. 52 is very early compared to the norm. There’s many people out there that will never be able to truly retire. Good for you for having the foresight and working hard to get to where you’re at. You should be commended!

    Second, you have a great perspective there. We really can’t control what others think. And what does it matter anyway? All we can do is control our own actions and focus on our own goals. Those that support us will be there, and those that make snide comments and don’t really appreciate our efforts will naturally fade into the background a bit. The best thing to do is not to let those people affect our attitudes and optimism, and live our life the best we can. 🙂

    Thanks for stopping by and sharing!

    Best wishes.

  221. Sparky,

    I’m with you all the way. I also would never want to rub my success in someone’s face either. Perhaps moving back made everything more visible, and maybe others felt like I was rubbing it in just by being able to be here. It’s a shame if that’s the case, but I can see how it’s possible.

    And there will always be someone better than us. I have never compared myself to those around me, instead choosing to focus on me and my happiness. But it’s hard for people to do that. We naturally want to compare ourselves to those doing better than us. Whenever I do compare myself it’s usually to those doing much worse than me, which makes me grateful for everything I have.

    That’s a great attitude you have over there. Keep it up!

    Cheers.

  222. Investor57,

    Not everyone will like everything I do and write about. That’s an inevitability. But I do like sharing the journey and all of the ups and downs. I think others find value in it. And you’ll notice that the most popular posts (judging by sheer comments) tend to be those where I share personal stories. I don’t do it often because my life just isn’t that interesting, but I do share when I think value can be had.

    Cheers!

  223. maurice,

    Great question and great answer. We can’t control what others do and think. And it doesn’t really matter anyway. If some people can’t be happy for our success then that’s really their choice. Of course, we can then choose whether or not to reciprocate that behavior. But focusing on our goals and happiness is really where it’s at. Onward and upward! 🙂

    Take care.

  224. Paul N,

    I’m with you all the way. Those wealth re-distribution arguments are comical. I believe that if all the worldly wealth were re-distributed today that after a period of time – maybe years or decades – you’d find the same people in control of wealth again, and the same people poor, more or less. Unfortunate, but we just don’t live in a perfect world where money solves innate personal problems. People with wealth usually get there through hard work, vision, and some luck.

    I’ve gone from below broke to having a fair amount of wealth. And I can tell you that it was my attitude that made the difference. I inherited over $60,000 when I was 21 and I spent every dime of it. Money doesn’t solve anything. You have to solve people first, which is impossible on a large scale. I’m just doing my best to solve that problem one inspiration at a time…through my own actions and experiences. 🙂

    Thanks for sharing that.

    Best regards!

  225. Joe,

    Visiting once in a while worked out pretty well for me too. I guess I made the mistake thinking I could live closer to everyone. Haha! 🙂

    But it’s not everyone in my life that resents me. It’s really a small minority. It just seems like a lot because I have a very small family. In the end, the most important person in this journey is your partner/spouse, and she supports this 100%. So I’m really lucky in that regard. Not having a supportive partners would really bring me down and make this much more difficult.

    Thanks for stopping by!

    Cheers.

  226. Kevin,

    I’m with you all the way. The math is easy. It’s the behavior that’s hard to change. It’s a lot like losing weight. Easy on paper (ingest less calories than you burn), but much harder in real life due to everyday decisions.

    But some people don’t want to make those tough decisions. And so they get mad when others succeed. And I think this is true with many aspects of life – our careers, our money, our bodies, our education, etc.

    But all we can do is focus on us and our goals. Worrying about what others think is really a waste of time. But I think it’s possible to largely avoid these issues for the most part. It sucks that we have to take action to avoid resentment, but I guess there’s truly no free lunch in life. Everything comes with benefits and drawbacks, this journey included.

    I appreciate the support very much! Thanks for stopping by.

    Best regards.

  227. DFG,

    Wow. Sorry to hear it came to that with your mother-in-law. It just amazes me that some people in our lives can’t support and encourage us to be the best versions of ourselves we can be. Snide comments come from places of jealousy, even if others don’t want to admit it. That’s a real shame, but it sounds like you have a very supportive wife. And that’s wonderful! In the end, our partners/spouses and their support are what matters most. The rest is just noise which can largely be avoided.

    Thanks for sharing that. I hope perhaps your MIL can come around at some point. If not, you guys will be fine anyway. 🙂

    Best wishes!

  228. Alex,

    I like REITs. I’m personally long ARCP, DLR, O, and OHI.

    I think they offer benefits and drawbacks just like any other investment. You get a higher yield, exposure to real estate without the headaches of being a landlord, and the possibility of appreciation.

    However, their dividends aren’t as tax-efficient as qualified dividends and thus may cause a higher tax bill if they’re in a taxable account, they can be more sensitive to interest rates due to borrowing, the dividends usually don’t grow as fast, and their share counts are usually increasing in order to finance transactions.

    I currently plan to cap my exposure to REITs around the 5% or so mark. I like the yield, but they typically don’t offer the attractive growth profile of many international companies.

    I hope that helps.

    Cheers!

  229. I have a friend who is a lot more well off than I am. He always expects me to pay my fair share of going out to lunch and such, but at the same time he has always been more than generous with me and paid more than his fair share at the same time (and the money is not paid out of pity, but of giving and enjoying our friendship). I believe he considers it money well spent to “spend his time” with a close friend.

    As my wife and I just went on vacation with our son and his family at the Jersey shore, which we mostly paid for, I consider it money well spent to “spend time” with family and loved ones.

    As far as your article, I liked that you plan on spending time volunteering….I don’t think I read much about that before in your articles that I remember. I hope you expand on that in another article.

    I am glad to hear that you are rekindling your relationship with your SO. Best of luck going forward together in life.

  230. The Aiki Trader,

    I have a similar experience where my best friend and I have gone out to lunch or dinner many times throughout our friendship. It’s never a “fair share” thing. Generally speaking, I’ll pay this time and he’ll pay next time. It’s never really been about money, but rather just hanging out and having a good time. I have no idea who’s paid more over the course of our friendship, but it doesn’t really matter.

    The problem arises when it goes from paying a fair share or even maybe more than a fair share to being expected to routinely pay for more than what’s necessary or fair and possibly even hand out money. At least, that’s my view on it. Others might disagree.

    That’s great you have a friend there who doesn’t really care who pays for what. And that’s generally how it is with my best friend. It’s not really a matter of money, but a matter of time. Couldn’t agree more. 🙂

    I do eventually want to volunteer at some point. I would love to be a part of some local organizations, but I think this is still well off into the future. I’m still extremely busy with writing and everything else. But once the portfolio is humming along, say, 15 or so years from now I think I’ll be able to volunteer plenty of my time. And I’m excited to eventually write about that and share my experiences.

    Thanks so much for the well wishes. I’m lucky in that she’s really supportive and doesn’t think I’m totally crazy! 🙂

    Cheers.

  231. Thanks DM,
    This stock is definitely out of my normal investing wheelhouse, however couldn’t resist taking a small position in this stock after the 35% drop in one day and 4.44% yield at time of acquisition @ $18.98/share. Especially with stocks hitting all time highs! I would have never know about this stock either had I not viewed the “Most active, % Gainers, and %Losers” on one of the finance websites I visit daily. A day or two before SEAS “tanked,” Kate Spade (KATE) dropped around maybe the same %ppts. and immediately jumped over 7% the next day. While I am not a day trader (haven’t sold any stock since 2009, only bought a long time horizon), the jump in KATE was enough to encourage the purchase SEAS due to the dividend, which KATE does not offer. That left me with a close to 10% gain in two weeks (as of August 27, 2014 close) on stock price alone and a nice 4.4% yield. I am not recommending buying, however the trade left me with a nice return.

    All the best,
    Josh L

    Disclosure: Own SEAS and sent @ 8pm PST

    .

  232. Those were some tough choices you had to make. I’ve experienced similar things form those close to me but in a different way. Becoming an optometrist was one of the best days of my life, but it also comes with its thorny points. Being called “doctor” has certain connotations, even though I probably had the lowest net worth (and probably still do!) among those close to me because of my high amount of student loan debt. I try to help out how I can, but if it doesn’t seem enough for some people I simply tell them that my income certainly has gone up but so have my expenses. Until I pay off my student debt, this is the best I can do. Some take it well and some don’t. But we can only control how we react.

    Anyways, congrats on the good news about your girlfriend. Glad to see things worked out well. Take care and looking forward to your next thoroughly enjoyable post!

  233. The open transparency you have with your life is why I keep coming back to this blog. Thanks for being willing to share your journey. As a CPA, I have ample opportunity to observe the dynamics of families and money. Your experience is not at all surprising to me. Most people treat money and personal finance as something of a mystery that they never really comprehend. It’s something that happens TO them, in their minds. Most people just naturally consume all they make (at least), which leaves them vulnerable to downside risk in the form of repair bills, medical bills, or whatever else. Choosing to live well below your income, in order to build wealth is far from the norm.

    I guess I would encourage you to have some compassion for your resentful relatives. They’re having a tough time. They’re not currently meeting the financial demands of life and, unfortunately, have channeled their frustrations at you. I can assure you that you’re not really not the true target of their negative energy. Actually, it’s themselves they’re unhappy with, but can’t quite bring themselves to be honest about it. But like any other area of trouble, you can’t save people from themselves. Don’t let their misdirected frustration affect you. Be as good a friend/relative as you can be and let the assholishness roll off you.

    Great news about your girlfriend. She sounds like a real keeper. It’s hard to overvalue a relationship with a worthy partner. You can’t put it in financial terms or analyze it like an investment. Yet it’s also true (if you read The Millionaire Next Door) that it’s far more likely to be financially successful in a lifetime partnership/marriage than single. Let’s face, two heads really are better than one.

    The last time I was in Michigan, a friend of mine who had moved back after a long absence decided to settle in Rochester – you might want to check it out. It’s not a college town (which has some drawbacks) and has a cool “downtown” area to enjoy – and is in the northern extremities of the Detroit area rather than the Southwest area of Ann Arbor, so is closer to your family – just a thought.

  234. Wow, a really honest and powerful post – and so obviously appreciated by your readers. That takes courage what you wrote, well done.

    I think this is a topic you should continue musing on and write a follow up. I have a a fair bit of money for someone my age but i am immensely fearful of other people’s reactions. I don’t talk about how i live for fear of other people’s judgements and expectations. And to be honest, being frugal is pretty far from how most people live. I had a talk with a co-worker today (36) – he owes credit card debt, car loan debt, money to his mother – has $800 in 0% savings which is earmarked to pay off another loan when it comes due. He has no other savings and spends his entire paycheck each week. I got quite anxious talking to him but chose not to say anything. I couldn’t imagine living like that – but some people just can’t imagine NOT living like that i suppose. It’s a hard one, i feel like i’m keeping secrets but people just wouldn’t understand.

  235. Syed,

    That’s sad that some people in your life have developed certain “expectations” now that you’re an optometrist. It’s a shame that some people in our lives automatically assume certain benefits because of our hard work. Now, there’s nothing wrong with being reasonably generous. After all, I know I wouldn’t be where I’m at right now if it weren’t for the support of certain people in my life. But being generous with birthdays and Christmas and taking people out once in a while is a different story from being expected to constantly take care of bills and give handouts.

    And I couldn’t agree more that it’s really out of our control. All we can control our own actions and reactions. We have to continue focusing on our lives and being as happy as we can be. 🙂

    Thank you for the kind words and support. I’m also glad. She’s a great woman!

    Take care.

  236. Chris,

    You’re right. Sometimes I lose perspective as to how “extreme” this lifestyle is compared to the norm when I’m living it every day for years on end. So when faced with resistance or resentment from the outside world I’m kind of shocked. I probably shouldn’t have been surprised at all, but I guess we sometimes don’t expect certain behavior from those closest to us. But is it right to hold certain people to higher standards? I guess I don’t know the answer to that question. These makes for good future topics. Both holding those closest to us to a different standard, and perhaps losing perspective of how “abnormal” this lifestyle is.

    I hear you on letting it slide. I’m going to forgive, but it’s impossible to really forget. Furthermore, I do believe that the strategy I laid out in the post is the best way to avoid these issues in the future. Being open with finances with those around you offers a risk/reward relationship that really isn’t all that beneficial, and I just didn’t see that before. It’s almost all risk, with very little reward. So being very vague about money and not sharing finances is probably just the easiest/best strategy for most, including myself.

    Claudia is definitely a keeper. It’s very difficult to find someone who is not only just a wonderful person, partner, and lover, but also “gets” this whole thing. I hope to share more about her and her story at some point in the future, but I first have to get her back and lock her down. 🙂

    Rochester is a nice area. There’s actually a few nice cities like it around the Metro area. I personally think A2 has more to offer than Rochester, but they’re both nice cities. Rochester, however, is further away from most of my family. Although I grew up in Detroit with my mom and dad, nobody in my family currently lives anywhere near Detroit. My mom died years ago and I haven’t seen my father in a very long time. I think he still lives around the Detroit area, but I’m not sure.

    Thanks for stopping by and reminding me to forgive. 🙂

    I hope all is well with your journey. And I hope you’re facing less resentment than I am.

    Best wishes.

  237. Dee,

    Don’t feel like you’re keeping secrets at all. You’re living your life to the best of your ability, and you have a responsibility only to yourself. What others choose to do is ultimately up to them.

    I learned a long time ago that you can’t change others. They can only change themselves. And they’ll seek out those that can help when they’re ready. Otherwise, it’s like talking to a brick wall. Part of being human, I suppose.

    That’s a sad story there about your co-worker. I do hope he realizes his lifestyle could be improved. If not, he’ll be working until he’s very old in age.

    I agree with you on the fear that we feel. I honestly didn’t feel that until recently. I had been open about my situation here on the blog, and therefore felt a bit emboldened in real life. That backfired, but we must live and learn. But I do feel that fear now. And fear isn’t always a bad thing. It’s the trigger that tells us not to touch a stove when it’s hot…helps us avoid getting burned.

    I had lost perspective as to how abnormal this lifestyle was. I was living in Florida with a very supportive partner and I was kind of humming along for years. Stepping back into a life where people live in “the real world” quickly opened my eyes. But it’s good. My perspective is now fully intact and I can see firsthand what not saving looks like. And not seeing those results inspires me to keep going.

    But I do hope to write about this topic again in the future. Or perhaps losing perspective or whether or not we should hold those closest to us to a different standard when it comes to understanding our lifestyles and choices. All good topics. 🙂

    Thanks for stopping by!

    Cheers.

  238. I have to say, when I first read your blog — I found myself thinking “man I could never do this”. Not the saving and FI stuff — i’m on my way actually. But the transparency part. I’m saddened to know that you’re run afoul of what I was afraid you might. But I applaud your continued efforts to stay transparent and deal with your close relationships best you can.

    For my part, I can’t discuss money with most of my family. I can share my success with my wife — but beyond that, i’ve found it does me no personal good to share beyond those bounds. I offer advice when sought out for it. And occasionally I offer to give advice (holding short on actual advice) if a friend of mine is in a particularly … relevant situation. (such as a windfall event) But they have to ask for my help, or I pretty much just keep my mouth shut.

  239. JMan,

    Thanks. I know many people couldn’t be as transparent as I am. I view it as the best way possible to inspire others and show what a journey to FI looks like in real life and real time. It’s full of ups and downs, it’s messy, and it’s a bit crazy sometimes. But it’s also incredibly rewarding. So you take the good with the bad.

    I probably would have run afoul of this with or without the blog. I think it’s human nature to want to share milestones and achievements with others, so I probably would have discussed all of this at one point or another with family even if I didn’t write about it. Of course, the blog meant that discussion was going to occur whether I intended it to or not.

    But it’s a great learning lesson. And I know who fully supports me and who whispers about me behind my back. I think it’s nice just to have it out in the open so we can all move on and focus on our individual lives. But I definitely think resentment can be largely avoided. However, that comes with the drawback of not being able to share milestones and achievements. It’s unfortunate that money changes people, but everything – this journey included – comes with benefits and drawbacks.

    I think you’re going about it the right way. I think the risk/reward relationship doesn’t make a lot of sense when considering sharing financial information. There are many potential drawbacks (my experience is one of them), with few rewards. I probably should have seen this coming, but, again, a lesson was learned. 🙂

    Thanks for stopping by and sharing. I’m with you on keeping the mouth shut.

    Cheers!

  240. Hi Jason

    Long time reader here but first time commenting. I know what you mean about family with a little resentment, i do see the same issues from time to time but i do keep my mouth firmly shut about my road trip to FI unless some really has the interest to know.

    Good to hear that your girlfriend will soon be joining you, i personally think that will be really good for you as sometimes family gets a little.. well too family.. I can vouch for that, i moved to Wisconsin from the UK 2.5 years ago and just had most of my immediate family visit from the UK about 2 months ago, and while we had a fantastic time toward the end it was getting a little tiresome. I know others may not understand that but keeping distances i think is always a good thing.

    Love the writing man keep it up 🙂

  241. Anthony,

    Thanks for taking the time to drop a comment for the first time! 🙂

    I hear what you’re saying on distance. It’s unfortunate that it sometimes must be like that, but I suspect it’s just realistic. I mean look at marriages. You get to pick who you want to be with and they still have a ~50% failure rate here in the US. You can’t pick your family. So I can see how those relationships can wear down over time if you spend too much time around each other. I don’t mean to be a cynic about it, because I’m not a cynic. But facts are facts.

    I think the best thing we can do is just focus on our immediate families, which would include our partner and any children. We have to make sure we’re happy, they’re happy, and our lives are complete. Attaining a really high level of success and happiness is bound to bring out jealousy in others, but at that point you’re so high it’s hard for others to bring you down.

    Thanks for sharing. Appreciate the support!

    Best wishes.

  242. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not suggesting you ignore bad behavior – and getting angry with someone for not letting letting you mooch off them is certainly bad behavior. I’m just putting it in context. Compassion doesn’t mean excusing or giving in. It just means understanding what’s behind it, which will allow you to minimize the opportunity for a repeat. It can also help lower your own blood pressure. You know they’re in a bad place, which can bring out the worst in anyone.

    Sorry I got my geography wrong – I was thinking your family was north of Detroit. Faulty memory syndrome…..

  243. I definitely appreciate your being so candid with this story. Being on the same journey to financial freedom, I can certainly understand the types of conversations you’ve been having.

    When you’re trying to achieve something that other people have not, they often want to make you feel inadequate. Or, they might suggest you think you’re better than others simply on the basis of your wanting to improve YOUR OWN life. It’s sad, but this is the stark reality.

    If anything, this demonstrates the beauty of the Internet. Thirty years ago you wouldn’t have been able to connect with a community of likeminded individuals around the globe as you are right now. Surely there’s some comfort to be had in being able to come online and get some unbiased input and support.

    Thank you for the quality read.

    – Ryan from GRB

  244. Ryan,

    Thanks for stopping by!

    I’m with you on how valuable the internet is. It’s really amazing how so many communities in really interesting niches have popped up, and you have all of these people “virtually” supporting one another. I’m certainly glad it’s here, because I could imagine this would be much more difficult going at it alone. I’ve been lucky in that my partner has supported me 100% from day one, but sometimes you want support from other people in your life, and when it isn’t to be found, that can be hard to accept. But we must accept it and move on. It’s important to remember how different all of this is, even if we are used to it because we’re living it every day.

    Best wishes!

  245. It’s definitely good to see this topic being talked about more. I’m currently starting out on my path to FI but I must say, I’m not looking forward to some people I know finding out about this – they are unlikely to be supportive of my my goals.
    All that remains is to surround yourself with positive people – and to remember that anything worth doing will being out the naysayers!

  246. Kristi,

    Congrats on starting down your path! 🙂

    That’s a great outlook there. I definitely recommend to surround yourself with supportive and positive people. I’ve been lucky in that the one person I’ve spent the most amount of time with over the last five years – my girlfriend – is very supportive of what I’m doing. Having a partner that’s encouraging, understanding, and supportive goes a long way.

    And you’re right. Becoming successful is unfortunately going to bring out naysayers. All you can do is concentrate on what you’re doing and your happiness.

    Best of luck!

    Cheers.

  247. You’ve stumbled into one of the most interesting and difficult aspects of money there is.

    Personal relationships and money.

    I’m a money manager. Actually, if it has ANYTHING to do with investing, trading and finances? I do it. At times, people ask me what part of the financial markets I deal with. My answer is: Yes. 🙂 With the exception of CDS’s, and stuff that’s OTC or real estate, or high yield P2P loads (Moral objection to it)? I basically do it. Option spreads, currencies to foreign exchange, valuation stuff, fixed income, futures, you name it. And hey, I’m a Michigander as well. Grew up Downriver. I too started out, with absolutely nothing. Was an idiot with money until I woke up one day and realized that I was exactly where my choices had led me. And changed everything from that point on.

    You can’t get into discussions about money with people.

    Which sucks.

    I’m passionate about what I do. I absolutely love it. I mean … LOVE IT. And I cant talk with people in my day to day life, about what I love to do.

    If it’s one thing I’ve learned, is that people are a mess. They can’t discuss a topic like money, without becoming completely unhinged. If it stays off that topic, then they can be ok. They go near money? SWOOSH, right over the edge they go. People ask me what I do?

    Oh, I’m a quantitative analyst on some equity markets.

    Which is truthful (with a lot of jargon to intentionally lose people) 99% of the time, the conversation ends there, which is probably where it should end.

    What I really do? Actively trade the markets, a whole range of markets, from home. But they don’t need to hear that. They’ll become unhinged.

    The other thing you have to get used to, is having freedom. That’s a WHOLE other topic man. I wouldn’t give up what I do, and what I have, for the world. I LOVE it. But the freedom does take some getting used to, because you quickly realize once you don’t work at a day job … and other people do.

    It’s sort of like, learning there are two groups on the planet. The group that gets to go do what they want to do, because they worked hard to get there, and they actively wander the planet, and get to experience life. And then there is the other group that goes to this weird thing called a “job” for someone else for 9 hours out of the day.

    And you ask people to do stuff with you, and they can’t.

    I have to go to the _*job*_ tomorrow.

    Oh.

    Yeah … it just takes some getting used to.

  248. Dan,

    Unfortunately, I couldn’t agree more with you here.

    I’m an optimist, and so it’s hard for me to accept that there are so many people out there that just don’t get it. I’m doing my best to spread the word and educate/inspire those that want to be educated/inspired, but the truth is that most people just don’t want it. You have to want to change, and many people are reluctant to change. I have experienced this firsthand over and over and over again.

    I feel like there are those of us who have “escaped the Matrix”, if you will. Those that have escaped obviously have a difficult time communicating and and relating with those still in it, and vice versa. And those that are still in it have to want to get out before they will.

    In the meanwhile, I’ll do all I can to spread the message.

    Thanks for sharing that.

    Best wishes!

  249. Mazel tov! I found your blog from a tweet by Retire by Forty (I think) in the late spring shortly after I’d broken up with my boyfriend. I took note of your posts about your relationship and particularly your decision to move back to MI without her. I’m delighted that the two of you have reconciled. Congrats and good luck!:-)

    P.S. That’s not my gravatar! lol

  250. Also, I’m a tad surprised that some of your family members resented you. If I had a relative that’s done what you have, I’d be bugging you to help me duplicate it for myself!!!

  251. neerbleu,

    Glad you found the blog! Appreciate the readership.

    And thank you very much for the support. I moved away from Michigan when I was still kind of a kid. So you carry these memories with you where you always fondly remember “home”, and I felt a bit guilty about moving away to succeed. So I carried that with me as well. But home is where the heart is. I was born in Michigan and grew up there, but home is now Florida. I’ll always have those memories, and I’ll always be able to visit. But everyone has their own life now.

    It’s a shame that I can’t help others in my family in regards to finances. But they’re just really not interested whatsoever. I don’t really mind that at all, as long as they’re happy. I’m not sure if they’re all happy or not, and perhaps resentment of others comes from a place of unhappiness and personal insecurities, but I can’t say I didn’t try. 🙂

    I hope you stick around! And I hope all is well with your own journey.

    Best wishes.

  252. Fantastic story, heart felt and full of self examination. As a fifties single myself, I’m was happy to read that you and the gf were able to talk, and um, you were able to listen. She sounds like a smart girl. I wish you best in all aspects of your life.

  253. Jim,

    Thanks for the support. I’m also glad that I was able to listen. I need to clean my ears out sometimes. 🙂

    She’s a very smart girl. She’s a bit older than me and we balance each other out really well. I’m lucky.

    Glad you enjoyed the post. It’s an unfortunate series of events that led to all of this, but it resulted in a lot of self-enlightenment and the rekindling of a great romance. Things have a funny way of working out in life.

    Appreciate you stopping by!

    Best regards.

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  256. Whenever there is money there is resentment. 99% of people I met never understood nor TRIED to understand. They take the first wrong idea and then go on with it without caring anything else.

    That’s life.

  257. TheExtraIncome,

    It’s unfortunate, that’s for sure. I think that those of us who have some of it figured out naturally want to share and help those around us, but sometimes that’s just not to be. I wrote an article a while back about being the change you want to be, inspiring change through action. And that’s because people typically don’t change unless they really want to. This experience just reinforces that belief for me.

    Thanks for stopping by and sharing!

    Best regards.

  258. Dividend Mantra,

    I agree. I think it’s best that people at your workplace have no idea what you spend your money on (especially investing). I once remember one of my co-workers found me looking at stocks during my break and told me how shareholders are evil because we demand dividends while exploiting poor workers. I also had the unfortunately accident with my boss about making money off “thin air” instead of “hard work”.

  259. Jackie,

    I agree. Although, my experience was perhaps a bit odd. My coworkers found out about my lifestyle/wealth after I was interviewed by Today. But I never really received much, if any, blowback from that. My resentment almost strictly came from family.

    However, the lessons about being covert are still valid, regardless of where the resentment may or may not come from. It’s easier just to be stealthy about it, rather than not be stealthy and wish you had been.

    Best regards.

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  261. I’ve experienced resentment recently with family. And it really hurts when you’re the one that is well off because you worked hard to get there and made sacrifices along the way that others wouldn’t have made. That’s when I also realized that it comes with the territory and just like you have decided to not initiate money conversations and just help the ones that are looking for help. Another great post!

  262. Mr. Enchumbao,

    Money’s definitely a difficult subject for a lot of people, especially those that aren’t good at making intelligent decisions with their money. Just one of those things. I’ve since pretty much avoided talking about money altogether with people close to me.

    I agree that it’s unfortunate because others generally don’t understand the hard work it took to get to that position. And my family should know firsthand of the struggles I’ve had, but all you can do is really just be true to yourself.

    The quote from Dr. Seuss seems pretty relevant when it comes to facing resentment:

    “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.”

    Cheers!

  263. Geez, not sure I could handle that as patiently as you do. Families are complex things, sometimes I can put myself in others shoes (maybe they feel I came back here and am rubbing my success in their face?), other times I simply think some people are jealous petty people and I want to cut them off.

    Curious, has there been any improvement? The jabs in social situations would be tough to deal with, but I suspect you can casually slip in a “you should really read my blog to see how I achieved this”.

  264. Stephen,

    Yeah, it’s a tough scenario. But I suppose that it’s nice to know who really has your back and who doesn’t. I’d rather know than pretend to know.

    I’m not particularly interested in just cutting people off, but I also don’t have room in my life for negative people. As such, I haven’t really had much of a relationship with many members of my family since last summer. In some ways it’s unfortunate, but in many others it’s for the best. Like I said, I’d rather know who completely supports me so that I can maximize my time with those people. I’m not interested in maintaining fake relationships. I just don’t have time for it.

    So I guess there are really two strategies here. You can either stay in “stealth mode” and pretend like a major part of your life doesn’t exist for the better of other people (for their own insecurities) and your relationships with these people, or you can be open about it and root out those that aren’t really there for you in the first place. I guess I kind of subconsciously chose the latter, which, looking back on it, I don’t really regret. I’d rather know who genuinely supports me and everything I do. Others might prefer a more diplomatic/tactful approach, even if it’s not completely genuine/honest.

    Best regards!

  265. DM,

    This is my first time coming across your site. As someone older (about the same age as your partner), I can say I am really impressed by your sharp analytical mind. Or to be more honest, I wish I could have figured out earlier in life the wisdom you have accumulated at such a young age!

    FI people are kindred spirits who share, inspire and teach one another. Unfortunately there are others who see just the money and the freedom, compare it to their personal situation, and through a combination of either ignorance of the process or perceived injustices, are resentful of FI people.

    It was a college lecture in compound investment returns that inspired me in launching a lifelong wealth accumulation experiment. While living quite well, I merely saved about 10% of my gross income. As I hit milestones and shared the results of my experiment with friends and family, I was shocked at the resentment some people had. I have learned to keep this important part of my life in “stealth mode”. There are only a small number of people in my life, almost all outside my primary circles that I can discuss finances with. Not only are they supportive, but they share valuable insights and give great advice too.

    I look forward to following your blog. And good luck to you on your journey.

  266. Jason,

    Thank you for the kind words. I’m really fortunate in that even though I’m unable to share my success with many people in my personal life, I’ve got a really supportive readership here that allows me to not only up, but also appreciates any insight and inspiration I can offer. So I take the good with the bad. 🙂

    I know exactly what you mean over there about “stealth wealth”. It’s sad that it has to be that way, but I guess it is what it is. I learned long ago through the troubles I experienced with my parents that people only change if/when they want to change. All you can do is be the best you can be and let others choose their own paths.

    Thanks for following along. Hope you find a lot of value in the blog!

    Best wishes.

  267. Mr. E,

    Yeah, quotes are sometimes difficult to narrow down to someone specific. Dr. Seuss was alive back then, so it’s quite possible he uttered it at some point.

    This site actually seems to indicate it comes from a journal based in London:

    http://quoteinvestigator.com/2012/12/04/those-who-mind/

    But since it was in quotations, it’s logical to assume it was already a known saying by then. Who originally said it is likely to remain a mystery.

    Cheers!

  268. Jason, thanks for sharing this story. I do not blog about my finances, but I do have a similar approach to living below your means and buying assets (dividend stocks) not liabilities. I have also found that family more than friends can be the most reluctant/unapproving/resentful people when it comes to talking about our plans and successes.

    Personally, I think that it makes them uncomfortable to realize how disciplined and focused people like us are able to be and it scares them. They can’t fathom a world in which they must delay pleasure in order to secure their future.

    Best wishes with your continued journey! Jason

  269. Jason,

    Yeah, I know what you mean. It’s terribly unfortunate that we sometimes experience that resentment from the people that should be our biggest cheerleaders. I guess it comes down to insecurity. All you can really do is maximize your own happiness and let the chips fall where they may.

    I’m honestly kind of glad I experienced what I did up in Michigan last summer. It really revealed who’s truly with me and who’s not. I’d rather know exactly where people stand. That way I can spend my time with people that are truly supportive of me and what I’m doing. The rest is just a waste of my time.

    Appreciate the support. I hope you find maximum support and minimum resentment on your journey! 🙂

    Best regards.

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